Video Quote of the Week: What Would You Do for Your Art, John Waters?


The Frustrated CFO’s preface:

I’ve been a John Water’s admirer for… hell, I don’t want to count the years, because the man is timeless and forever, just like the ugly qualities of the human species he saw, recognized, and had the unique brilliance to shove into our faces in the hyperbolized, grotesque fashion comparable to Goya’s etchings.  I always think of him as a kindred spirit just as frustrated with his surroundings as I am.  Anyway, the first time I watched Divine in Pink Flamingos, sentencing Marbles to death for “first degree stupidity” and “assholism,” I was captivated.  And it’s not just about the talent for me.  His unabashed bravery and complete disregard for the established “civil” canons give me chills!  I’m not going to lie – I wish I could be that courageous and free.  And just as I thought that Mr. Waters, now 66, could not possibly enhance my appreciation of him any further, he went and hitchhiked across the country with a single purpose of writing a book about his experience doing it.  Wow!  Below is New York Time’s video of him talking about it.  Enjoy and aspire! 


What the video here: John Waters Hitchhiking Across the U.S.

 

Quote of the Week: Red Reddington and The Frustrated CFO Concur in Defining the Key to Success


NBC_s-The-Blacklist-_Classified_-Trailer-on-Vimeo-5

The Frustrated CFO's preface:

I'm in the dental office, standing by the payment-processing counter with the endodontist.  We are waiting for one of the claim processors to estimate the out-of-pocket costs that will arise from the doctor's suggested course of action.  It's one of those full-service dental groups where they have all specialists, either on staff or itinerant.  This requires a matching number of assistants, plus administration – in other words, there are a lot of people around.  I'm here only for the second time.  Yet, I notice every person I've already met, "Hi, Vivien, how are you?"  "Hello, Christa."  (None of them wear name-tags or anything like that).  

The doctor asks, "How come you know everyone?"  Well, I don't know "everyone", but he seems like a nice guy, very pleasant, so I have an impulse for a wholehearted answer: "This is what I do.  If a person introduces him- or herself, I make an effort to remember the name.  Every time.  No matter who that person is – customer service representative on the phone, a salesperson in the store, a receptionist in whatever office, your dental assistant, people I meet in business gatherings.  If I have a chance, I immediately address that person by name.  …And that's how you succeed in life."

Well, my dear readers, "success" is a relative notion, of course – this rule is not going to make you billions, but, I promise you, it will definitely help in whatever your life's endeavors are.

One of the women sitting behind the counter, Hope the Office Manager, chimes in: "But I'm so bad with names!"  I just smile at her sweetly.  In my head I'm thinking, "And that makes you a terrible administrator."

Literally a couple of days later I'm watching the first season's finale of The Blacklist on demand.  Imagine my surprise at the perfectly timed like-mindedness when, about 15 minutes before the episode's end, Red Reddington bursts out the following tirade written for him by the series's writers (John Eisendrath et al.):

"I must say, I'm very good at finding people.  I've tracked enemies far and wide.  I once found a hedge fund manager hiding in the Amazon… on the banks of the Cuini River.  You know what the key to finding your enemies is?  Remembering everyone's name.  It's critical to my survival.  Anyone knows the head of some drag cartel in Columbia; some politician in Paris.  But I know their wives, girlfriends, children, their enemies, their friends.  I know their favorite bartender, their butcher…"        

Rumor Has It… Trouble Is Brewing in Private-Equity World


Storymaker-slideshow-holy-monks-brewmasters2-514x418The other day I had a meeting with some big shots from Citibank's commercial landing.  Every single person at the table felt disappointed.  On my side of the negotiations, everyone was shocked that the bank came up with some really sneaky changes to the Term Sheet we have originally accepted.  Citibank's covert operatives were distressed to realize that their maneuvering didn't work on us and, moreover, we are absolutely ready to walk away from the deal. 

Nobody was disgusted more than me, though: I've rejected other lending candidates in Citi's favor based on the conditions of that damn Term Sheet; I've spent so much time and effort making sure that the deal comes to conclusion and closes by June 15th; I've conducted so many detailed discussions with the bank officers; I've plied the Credit Risk Group with tons of information and provided elaborate answers to every single of their drilling questions – dammit, what a waste!  I started getting up from the table, determined to say a cold goodbye ("Good day, sirs… I said, 'Good day'," or something like that) and leave everyone in the conference room to their own devices. 

But the bank's team leader didn't want to give up.  This seasoned warrior (whose bonus depends on the number of deals she closes) quickly swallowed the bitter pill of defeat and started deliberating the possibilities of remedying the unfortunate situation.  By way of explaining and excusing their underhanded tactics, she embarked on a tale of pressure and oppression all national banks suffer from the Office of the Controller of the Currency (OCC) that, empowered by the US Treasury's mandate, tightened the regulatory screws on all commercial lenders operating in small and middle markets.     

Ring-ding-ding!  The government is making it more difficult for small and mid-size businesses to borrow operating funds?  Tell me more!  

I can only attribute her sudden loquacity to the awkwardness of the impasse we have reached, to the thickness of the room's air that required some sort of easement before our dialogue completely choked.  Not only that she went into details of the new pre-lending qualification requirements for private businesses such as lower leverage (i.e. debt/equity) and higher fixed-coverage (EBIT + fixed costs/fixed costs + interest) ratios, but she also divulged some information bankers almost never discuss – she told us about a specific deal just killed by the bank's risk underwriters for the sake of compliance with the government's wishes.

It was the nature of the transaction in question that surprised me at first – a typical leveraged buyout (LBO) of a privately-held manufacturer, with a well-known private equity (PE) firm and a mezzanine lender already in place.  Citi was expected to step in as an institutional lender covering 55% of the contractual purchase price.  I might've been wrong, since I'm not exposed to M&A on daily basis, but I was under impression that banks are usually hungry for the high-yield rewards of such deals, especially considering the prominence of the PE behind it. The fact that this case was presented to us as an example of insufferable regulatory interference kind of confirmed my suspicion that Citi's bailing out was an unexpected turn of events for the bankers themselves.

So, did they get the explanation from their Risk partners? Yes, they did: The due diligence suggested that the deal had a high probability of a quick turnaround.  In other words, it was expected that the PE firm would quickly flip the acquired company's stock for a nice profit leaving the company to deal with the loan repayments.  Ok, but isn't that the nature of any private equity transaction, regardless of whether the ownership is sold fast or kept in-house for years?  The loan repayments always come out of the company's operational cash flows.  The liability is a part of their balance sheet.  Hmm…     

Anyway, the talkative tactics worked and we all decided to go back to our respective drawing boards instead of walking away from a very promising relationship.  Good!  But the story of the killed LBO kept gnawing at me. 

Ok, on the surface, it may seem that the government is working hard on protecting taxpayers from a possibility of another bailout.  But

  1. Citigroup was one of the first bailees to repay the government ($51 billion) with the highest profit on the bailout list (additional $13.5 billion).
  2. As we know, it wasn't the commercial lending, but the sub-prime mortgages and the securitization thereof that was at the core of the financial crisis and the subsequent bailout.  That is why the government-sponsored Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac top the bailout chart with $187 billion of the received support between two of them.
  3. Of the top 20 bailout recipients the one with the largest debt still outstanding since 2008  is General Motors (as of 05/29/2014, $11.5 billion is still due)- an automaker, a public company, a NYSE's Blue Chip.      

Wait a minute, wait a minute!  Private business vs. public company?  These Treasury moves have nothing to do with the fiscal protection of the nation.  It has to do with the government's continuous prevention of the stock-market crash and massive panic that will follow.  Too scared to deal with the long overdue adjustment, it has been doing everything in its power to direct both public and corporate investments into the shares gambling of mythological proportions. 

The private businesses and the private equity investors act against this insane agenda by laboring hard under the natural commercial formula of growing capital through realized profits generated by functional enterprises.  To undercut these efforts, the proverbial "they" are willing to sabotage private businesses, which hoi poloi knows nothing about, in order to continue ballooning the stock market cancer, so that the general public with their Ameritrade accounts and 401(k) plans invested into "emerging" markets is kept at bay.

Well, I will not fold!  I will get that Citi line!  As hopeless as it may be in the long run, I take a great satisfaction in the fact that my daily work is essentially a part of the Fiscal Resistance.