Well, would you look at that?!! It’s been more than 7 (SEVEN!!!) years since my last post… One president went away; the ambitious blonds didn’t manage to replace him: their archenemy won instead and then barely survived his term and its consequences; and then another president stumbled in… And even he is already three quarters of the way through his term… All sorts of fucked up cultural upheavals occurred… A pandemic happened with all of its socio-economic consequences… And all the while, the Frustrated CFO remained silent… What happened? – you may ask…
(And some of you are probably also wondering why the hell this strange person shelled out seven-years-worth of fees to keep this blog dormant, yet alive? And the truth of the matter is that I couldn’t bring myself to extinguish my posts out of the Internet existence even if only one of them had a potential of attracting a single reader… But also: I knew this day would come…)
What happened was that by venting in this blog’s posts my annoyance with political, social, and cultural issues – all that tangent, entertaining, but not crucially relevant shit (since 2010, no less!) – I was simply deflecting from the actual problems in my life, letting the real genuine desperation building, and building, and building… To the point when it eventually achieved a critical mass and I went kaboom! As postal as can be…
Maybe if I myself stuck to the truth I was originally propagating by starting this blog – that writing is therapy – and openly discussed my problems here, I could’ve prevented myself from psychological and moral deterioration… Maybe, maybe not… There were so many triggering factors in my life, which I never revealed to anybody – kept it all inside! And clearly, snapping from time to time under the “Bosses” category at the people who employed me didn’t alleviate the accumulating tension…
But no, when the time of passing into the dark came, I didn’t go at them with guns blazing and got it over with in one violent burst… I hate all sorts of outright violence… Wouldn’t touch anyone one with my pinky… The subversive criminal violating – that’s a different story… The stretched out, torturous self-destruction of continuous embezzlement… Millions… And none the wiser – for months, more than two years – no one noticing, not having a clue, or inkling… In spite of my burning desire to be found out… So, why the fuck would I write about it here?
A few weeks after I wrote my two-blonds jokes, I finally got caught. It took mere 48 hours for me to return more than a third of the embezzled funds back and get pushed into the hands of Justice. I got arrested… and so on, and so forth.. A short stint at Rikers, sixteen months of legal proceedings, three solid years of imprisonment… The aftermath… Not exactly blogging-inducing circumstances…
And when the time for the redemptive revelations has come, the scope of it seemed so much bigger than a series of blog posts… Hence, the memoir: I Built This Prison. By the time I started writing it, I was done hiding. This book is possibly the most honest I’ve ever been with myself… About the genesis and the perpetration of the crime. About the various punishments that I inflicted on myself and others as well as those exacted against me. Bringing it to completion took as long as the time I spent in the NYS correctional system. Go figure…
Dear God, forgive me my sins and send me readers! I will even settle for just one…
Hence, you can be sure I will continue talking about my memoir here. Ultimately, it ended up to be a therapeutical exercise – as only writing can be. And I want you to share the experience of it…
The Frustrated CFO 