Tag: frustration release

One CFO’s Personal Tools for Frustration Relief


So, my fellow CFO’s and Controllers, as promised in my previous post, here are the few tricks I use to privately release my frustration after calmly presenting the composed image to the rest of the world.  They are in no specific order.  I pick whichever feels right at a particular moment.

(1.)  Go to the washroom, enter a stall, close your eyes and start cursing.  Five minutes of swearing usually gives a tremendous relief.  The volume doesn’t really matter.  If raising your voice helps you personally and you are sure nobody is around, go ahead.  For me, however, loud whispering (the way actors whisper on stage, so that everyone can hear them), works the best.  The dirtier the better.  Just pretend that you are in a Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino movie.  If you know other languages, use all of them.  Remember, don’t call the objects of your frustration by their names, but keep their faces in front of you mentally.

(2.) This release method is not my original.  It was shared with me by one of my European colleagues and she has learned it from someone else – I am sure it’s been passed on from one generation to another.  I can vouch that it works like a charm.  You have to create a “Page of Frustration.”  Draw some monster on it, something absolutely revolting.  Your artistic abilities make no difference.  You can ask a child to draw it for you.  The most important thing is to write the title and the destruction instructions on the page.  For example:  “Page of Frustration.  In case of emergency, throw it on the floor and stomp it to shreds.”     For some people “viciously crumple and tear it into small pieces” seems to be more appealing.  Whatever works! Make yourself a stack of copies and keep them in your desk.  Make sure that you don’t run out!

(3.) Another useful inventory for a chronically frustrated CFO or Controller is a favorite treat.  Don’t get me wrong – the last thing I want is for anybody to become a closet eater, consuming large quantities of food in search of unattainable solace.  No!!!  That’s not what I am talking about.  I am talking about very small quantities of very small treats, eaten at a very slow pace: three of Godiva chocolate pearls, or five gummy bears, 1/2 oz of trail mix, etc.  Separate them into these small portions in advance, keep only few in your office and consume only as a release remedy.  It works more as a meditative solution than as aggression liberation, but sometimes that’s all you need.

(4.) On my Front Page Raison d’etre, I talk about the therapeutic effects of writing.  And I maintain that committing your grievance to paper is the best form of releasing frustration, tension, stress and anxiety.   You can do it in different ways.  You can pour your heart out in a diary.  You can pretend to write a letter or an email to the source of your pain (without sending them out, of course) describing the situation, verbalizing your feelings, expressing your concerns.  Or you can go a step further towards more satisfying resolution.  You can write that email and send it to me.  Not only that I will become the receptacle of your turmoil, but I will give it even bigger audience by sharing it with other CFO’s, Controllers, etc.

“The King’s Speech” Illustrates The Frustrated CFO’s (and Mark Twain’s) Point


11154473_detThose who have been reading this blog since its start, hopefully remember this early post about my personal tools of frustration release.  The first method on the list advised to go into an isolated place and let your frustration out with the worst curses you know.

More recently, I posted this Quote from Mark Twain,  emphasizing the same notion.  The great writer, who found humor even in the rumors about his death, also found solace in profanity.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, everyone recognizes the power of cursing.   We use it far more frequently as an expression of physical pain, anguish, anger, and frustration, than as a deriding instrument.  People curse at themselves, at their lives' circumstances, at the damned table corner always in the way.  Most of the time they do it when they are completely alone and nobody can hear them.  They do it because it is an intuitive tension-release mechanism.

Case in point – Oscar-nominated The King's Speech, based on a true story.  Prince Albert (always fantastic Colin Firth), had a speech impediment caused by multiple childhood psychological traumas.  Because of his position, the future King George VI was in the public view and, through the popularization of the radio, in the public ear – stammering and all.  It made him an object of ridicule even before the abdication of his older brother David pushed him into the throne of British Empire.  

For many years he sought help of different doctors and linguistic practitioners.  Finally, he meets Lionel Logue (even more fantastic Geoffrey Rush).  This unorthodox, way-ahead-of-his-time speech therapist worked with post-traumatic WWI veterans and understood that acquired defects are psychological in their roots and have to do with fear and tension. 

Mr. Logue takes on the Royal patient.   His methods are designed to remove the stress that causes his charge to stumble over the words.  He has a lot of tricks up his sleeve: breathing, exercising, singing and, of course, cursing are all used as means of frustration release.  The movie wonderfully shows how the speech center in His Majesty's brain has much easier time dealing with difficult sentences after the fear rides out on those few "dirty" words.   Thus, it illustrates my point that if you find yourself chocking with anxiety, profanity helps.

Sadly and ridiculously those few oaths caused the movie to be rated R.   I mean, 13-year-olds, can hear more curse words on their way to school.  Now, the entertainment media talks about the Weinstein brothers deciding to cut those therapeutic outbursts out in order to "re-introduce" The Kings Speech with PG-13 rating.  I have no clue why they want to do that.  The movie has already grossed nearly 900% of its budget.  Some people say that it will not take anything away from the story, but I strongly disagree.  It is an integral part of keeping yourself functional in this stressful life – for a king, a writer, or a CFO.

The Frustrated CFO Is Getting Anxious


I am really anxious to move away from abstract discussions on the nature of stress we experience every day and start showcasing stressful incidents and frustrating professional issues near and dear to every CFO, Controller, etc.  However, before I do that I feel we need to address one more theoretical subject – correlation of Frustration and Anxiety.

As I already mentioned several times, frustration is a normal reaction (whether extra- on introverted) to situations in which we face obstacles to our achieving goals or actions that contradict our standards, etc.  Every person experiences it from the moment he or she is born.  In this blog, with examples from daily war of survival, I argue that my peers, CFOs, Controllers, and other financial execs in entrepreneurial environment, operate in a state of chronic frustration.

Anxiety, on the other hand, no matter how many scientific definitions are out there, boils down to sense and fear of danger, whether real or non-existent.  The symptoms and sensations are the same if you are genetically predisposed ("wired") for anxiety or forced into it through the lifetime of conditioning.

Because it is far more fascinating to try to explain why some people feel anxiety and panic attacks for no tangible reasons at all, cognitive science is primarily preoccupied with the types of anxiety that are caused by chemical imbalance, hereditary factors, etc.  If you are interested to learn more about the latest research advancement in this area, I particularly recommend an almost a year old, but still very accurate and exhaustive, New York Times Magazine article Understanding the Anxious Mind. 

And, of course, most of us belong to the army of Americans (tens of millions of people, actually) who are worried about the economy, their job security, the money they lost in various market shakeups, the environment, the future of their children, etc. etc. Economic and environmental issues are big reasons why so many people seem to be on the verge of a breakdown.

That said, in the context of this blog I am primarily interested in the undeniable fact that chronic frustration with your job leads to stress and acute anxiety.  Just like Pavlov's dogs we are conditioned by frustration to fear those situations that cause the unpleasant experience.

We try to accomplish a particular task, meet our regular obstacles (bosses interventions, subordinates incompetence, time constraints), fail to achieve our goal, get frustrated – and (surprise-surprise), now we feel anxious every time we start that task, because subconsciously we anticipate frustration and fear the pain.  The anxieties accumulate into stress, and now we feel trapped.  If the situation is not managed, we can spin out of control.

And that is why it is so important to find methods of releasing frustration out of your system (please see my post One CFO's Personal Tools for Frustration Relief) and, just equally important, find resolutions for your professional problems by elevating your managerial, organizational, behavioral and technical skills – issues I hope to discuss in the future based on the incidents from your professional life.  

The Frustration Release Hero


The US Open, tennis’s most visited Grand Slam, is in its second week now and I cannot pass on the opportunity to pay homage to my favorite Champion.  He had never had anything to do with the financial profession (even though he possesses remarkable financial savvy that allowed him to preserve and expand his wealth), but what fits him perfectly into this blog’s context is his special relationship with Frustration.

I am talking, of course, about John McEnroe.  The majority of his critics wrote off his tantrums, consistently displayed on and off the court, as uncontrolled bad temper.  As if he just had bad manners and didn’t know how to carry himself properly in accordance with the “proper” police.

The truth is that the great tennis misbehaving hero has an incredible sense of what’s right and what’s not.  He gets frustrated when things are not the way they are supposed to be.  And, as we discussed before, in What is Frustration? , that’s a normal reaction.  

If you recall, his most famous outbursts were never random – they were directed at chair umpires’ questionable calls, rude audiences, trash-talking opponents, his own errors, etc.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have an ability to keep it inside until the end of the match and then let it out some place private (like I advise you, or like Roger Federer does).  Instead……

Watch this: “You cannot be serious!!!” 

Talking about the frustration release…   However, he also capitalized on his frustration.  He elevated his game and thus silenced and destroyed his critics, he created shots still remembered by connoisseurs, he won 7 Grand Slams and ranked Number One in the World.

The reason to address the problems that we face everyday in our working environment is not just to release our frustrations, but to to be able to get over them, to continue doing your job the best you can, to carry on.