Category: Bosses

What to Expect from a Boss with a Peter Pan Syndrome


Oh, Peter Pan, the “boy who wouldn’t grow up,” he is so endearing in his never-ending boyishness.  He doesn’t care about the adult world problems.  His disregard for the laws of physical and emotional gravity allows him to fly without wings and fight pirates with an uncommon valor; but it also propels him out of the windows of the heart-broken girls: Wendy, and her mother Mary Darling before her, and who knows how many more.  Really, he belongs in his Neverland.

Yet, Peter Pans live among us.  You meet them every day: in your office, on your business trips, in stores and public transportation; you pass them on the street; they may be related to you and you see them across the dinner table.  They don’t soar in the air or prance with swords (well, maybe some of them do).  Nevertheless, their true nature is that of unabashedly cocky young boys ready for adventures.  

Permit me to clarify.  We are not talking about physical appearance here.  People who look 10-15 years yonger than their age, whether because of their genetic make up or because they treat their bodies right, can be very grown up.  I am not talking about those who take part in what society perceives to be “young” activities either.  I actually think that people who never stop going to rock concerts and enjoy parasailing in their eighties are on a higher plane of sophistication.  No, the subject matter here is the psychological immaturity; the inability to accept the reality of the adult world.       

The Peter Pan Syndrome is not officially recognized by the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders.  It’s considered to be a “pop-psychology” term.  In other words, it’s okay to use it in cultural and social context, but no doctor will get reimbursement by insurance for treating this affliction – there is no code for it.  I frequently wonder whether it is a ploy of the closeted Peter Pans of psychology.

Peter Pan of J.M. Barrie‘s story can be recognized right away.  The book illustrators even gave him pointy ears, hinting that he is not quite a regular human.  But in every-day life they are hidden inside people who appear to be all grown up.  Yet, there are certain telltale signs one can pick up right away.   It could be a sports car too small for the owner’s body, or a tan in the middle of winter, or a jacket a size too small for a middle-aged banker, a hipster watch on a wrist of a 60-year-old lawyer, a second wife 25 years younger, a newborn child at 57.  I’m sure you know what I am talking about.  

However, at the end of the day, it’s the personality traits that betray the Peter Pan’s tendencies – the propensity for undisciplined, uncontrolled, irrational, irresponsible, disorderly, intoxicated behavior.  But, like with all archetypes, the negative trends coexist with positive potential that manifests itself as a free spirit, unbound instinct, potential for growth, hope for the future, untamed forward drive.

It’s one thing to handle Peter Pans socially and even privately.  It’s a completely different matter when you are confronted with men-boys in the work place, especially if one of them is your boss.  You have to be very careful: bosses like that think that they are invincible; they believe that they will come out on top in any situation.  They take big risks and trust they can get away with anything.  If they are lucky, their endeavors may lead the company to brilliant successes.  But many of them get smacked against the cruel wall of reality, crash and burn.

One of the most prominent symptoms of the Peter Pan complex is absolute inability to take No for an answer.  Many private-business CFOs deal with the childish behavior of their bosses and can fill in the blanks in this conversation:

CEO:    I want to…

CFO:    We cannot do this…

CEO:    Why not? (like a 10-year-old)

CFO:    We don’t have…  And it’s against…  We will jeopardize…

CEO:    I want to do it anyway… (like a 5-year-old)

It’s very difficult to find the right way of dealing with an intelligent and talented person, who looks like an adult, but frequently falls into the pits of the child-like stubbornness.  The only thing you can do is to be constantly aware of the reality of the syndrome.  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Let me leave you with this popular culture example.  Mark
Zuckerberg, a student at Harvard University, threw a tantrum like a
3-year-old boy in a sandbox, when his girlfriend dumped him – he called
her mean names and told her secrets to the entire nursery school.  Then he ran out and slammed the door behind him as hard as he could. 
The result of it was the creation of a network that pervaded the lives of
hundreds of millions of people all around the world and made him the
youngest billionaire.  Now, he will never grow up – he never got a
chance to face the real world.  He went from childhood into a fantasy
land.  He boasts that he wears the same thing every day.  So, does Peter
Pan – the protective uniform of a boy who will never grow up.

Boardwalk Empire’s Gyp Rosetti – the Scariest Boss Ever


Gyp RosettiAnd not because he is a mafioso toting interchangeably a Smith & Wesson, a tommy gun, a wrench, or a shovel.  Gangsters can be good bosses too.   I mean, a boss like Vito Corleone is a chief executive of mythological proportions: someone with his own strict moral and professional code; he'd destroy his enemies, yet he treats his loyal employees like family, and, in return, they are ready to take a bullet for him.   

No, Gyp Rosetti is the worst boss ever, because he is so fucking impulsively unpredictable.  With Gyp, you just never know what the fuck is going to short-circuit his neuro-system, how he is going to react to a word, a jest, a facial expression.  One moment he seems to be okay and a second later he explodes into a bloody violent feat on account of somebody's hat or stance.

Of course, the compulsive violence is a typical response in men who are surrounded by domineering, dismissive women at home.  The notorious Red Ripper Andrei Chikatilo, convicted of 52 murders of women and children, was famously abused and treated like dirt by his wife.  Gyp Rosetti, when at his home in Brooklyn, is vilified not by one, but four pesky women: his wife, mother-in-law, and two daughters.   Not that his household circumstances absolve him, but at least it makes the craziness explainable. 

It's a miracle that members of Gyp's crew talk and do anything around him at all; that they are not completely paralyzed by fear.  Somebody says something, Gyp does a double take, and everyone just fucking freezes, trying very hard not to look him in the eyes.  That stare that Bobby Cannavale mastered – the one of a cobra doing her hypnotizing trick on its pray before the attack, I've seen that look before, frozen on the face of one very cruel CEO. 

It would be easier if Gyp Rosetti was simply an authoritarian ruler, giving strict orders and expecting absolute obedience without any talkback. But he is tricky, sadistic.  He actually puts his employees on the spot, asking them questions, wrenching their opinions out of them, looking for a reason to explode.

You cannot possibly find a sensible way of acting around people like that.  Unquestioning compliance, dutifulness, and composure can rile them up just as quickly as independent opinion, defiance, and anxiety.  Gillian Darmody (Gretchen Mol) tries her darnedest: "You are always welcome here, Mr. Rosetti.  Make yourself at home, Mr. Rosetti."  And still it's uncertain that she is safe.  I keep thinking that Gyp's sexuality is a better guarantee for her than her sly ways.  The Sicilian boy has a soft spot for the white meat with porcelain skin and red hair (don't we all?), so he cuts her a bit of slack.  But how long will that last?

If you think that the Gyp Rosetti-type exists only on your TV screen, you are wrong.  There are plenty of them out there, exercising their unpredictable despotism in the boardrooms, corner offices, production floors, living rooms.  While most of them don't shoot people in the face or beat them to death, they do plenty of damage by inflicting destruction on people's self-esteem, psychological balance, emotional well-being.    

What kind of advice can one give to people who work for Gyp Rosetti's clones?  "Run away as fast as you can" comes to mind first.  But what if you can't?  Many of Gyp's "subordinates" were recent immigrants who at the time couldn't find any work at all, had no means to feed their families.  By the same token, if you live in a town, where everything is owned by the same family with a brutal patriarch (sounds like an early last century novel, but still as valid today as ever), you are stuck with him as your boss.  It's not like the national job market offers too many opportunities nowadays.  If that's your predicament,  you'd better rely on your survival instintcts and intuition: you are under constant pressure to make split-second decisions on how to act and what to say.  And you'd better pray that you make the right ones…   

The Boss Who “Cares” aka The Hypocritical Bastard


ClassicStyleHypocrisyMeterHey you, hard-working people, regardless of your profession, stature, or rank! I am talking to all of you!  Beware of "NICE" BOSSES!

You know the type – he always smiles at you, tells you jokes (and laughs loudly himself), asks about your family (sometimes even during first interviews), says "thank you" at the end of the day, declares that he wants everyone who works for him to be happy, claims to keep your opinion in high regard.  

This is all BULLSHIT!!!  This boss is a liar and a hypocrite!  Don't think for a second that because he acts like that on the surface, he really cares and will do right by you in terms of things that really matter, i.e. create material (compensation, benefits, working space) and moral (respect, recognition) stimuli for you to work harder and feel satisfied with your own performance!  

In fact, this faux exterior should be taken as a first sign of a shitty character.  There is an old proverb that applies perfectly here: "He makes a very soft bed that will be hard to sleep in."  The only person such a boss cares about is himself!  At the end of the day, all that huggy, phony warmth is just for him and him alone.  And because people like that lie to themselves the same way they lie to others, he goes home honestly believing that he is a swell guy and a wonderful boss.  He simultaneously pats himself in the back and jerks himself off.

 But when it comes to serious, important staff…  This is the guy who will fight you tooth and nail for every penny of raise or bonus you want to give your direct subordinates at the end of the year.  It doesn't matter to him that you only want to reward those who applied themselves the hardest, grew, learned, developed, and that you keep it all within the budget.  He'd rather double his own withholdings (for being so wonderful!) than reinforce the merit.  In fact, he will say, "Didn't we pay for her plane tickets when she went to her grandmother's funeral?"  Yes, we did – you suggested it to  be "nice."  So, now you think that was in lieu of the annual performance bonus?

And this is the guy who will reply to every great proposal from the members of his executive team, writing the exclamation-point emails: "Thank you!" "Great idea!" "Brilliant!" But he will never green-light the actual implementations.  You will see the mean gleam in his eyes every time the life proves you right or someone on the outside of the business confirms that you understand it much better than he does.  If that happens, he will enter a crazy cycle, competing with you all the time, even though he is the boss and, therefore, already won by default. 

I believe that the best working environments are created not by cuddly fakeness, but by indiscriminate fairness, accommodation of professional growth, and respect of achievements (the principles I myself exercise).  If that's impossible to have, I prefer an honest brute instead of a "nice" hypocritical bastard.  In this economy (or, as I call it "new reality") only a few of us get lucky and find "better" jobs.  The rest must tolerate whatever hateful things they are forced to experience.  And that's Ok (there is no such a thing as a "perfect" job anyway), as long as you face the reality with the full understanding of the situation and don't get fooled by appearances. 

Quote of the Week: HBO’s “The Newsroom” Nails a Perfect Summation of What All Bosses Want


364864Charlie Skinner (Sam Waterston), handing an assignment:

"We don't need it fast, but we need it right… But we need it fast."

                 Episode 1.8

                 Written by Aaron Sorkin

 

The Frustrated CFO comment:

Bull's-eye, Mr. Sorkin!  Bravo!

The Clueless Boss of a Frustrated Downshifter


Confused-animals-are-funny15-300x260The economy and the resulting miserable state of the job market forced many financial executives to downshift, i.e. take jobs way below their levels of expertise, authority, and adequate compensation.  It's been almost a year since I wrote about the heartbreaking reality of first finding such a position and then accepting it for the sake of having food on the table and keeping the roof over your family's head.  Yet, the painful topic is still relevant.

But let's look a little further.  We have an opportunity to examine an interesting situation brought to my attention by an actual downshifter – a former CFO of a, now defunct, $500-million-dollar firm.  After a year of a futile job-hunting he accepted, at 50% of his former compensation, a Controller's position in a young and small ($30 million) company, ran by two owners – a female CEO and her partner with a COO title.  

How many times did I write about accidental bosses?  And here we go again: this business has started because the two partners got lucky. They were in the right place at the right time with extensive connections and sufficient funding at hand.  Neither of them actually needed it to survive, but the opportunity were too exciting to pass up. 

Guess what?  The CEO never led a company before.  She never even worked in a commercial enterprise.  Her partner has an MBA from an Ivy League school, but he only worked overseas.  Neither have the chops to make good executives, yet both have undeniable talents and a lot of enthusiasm.  She is a sales ace and the toughest negotiator you can find.  He is incredibly detailed-oriented.

Not only that they managed to get the company off the ground eight years ago, they kept it growing with minimal labor resources, including  a single bookkeeper.  Hiring a senior financial person was definitely not among their priorities. Until…  Some people are just born lucky.  An even bigger  opportunity presented itself.  To implement it they needed more capital.  The dogged COO wore down one of the major banks into providing them with a substantial trade finance line.  Among bank's mandates was hiring a proper Controller. 

Enter our former CFO.

Because both execs are not very clear on the leadership functions, the division of responsibilities is blurred.  The COO was in charge of the Controller's hiring.  The CEO never even saw the candidate's resume or salary history.  When COO decided that this is their guy, the CEO was called in for a minute to shake the future Controller's hand.  

Yet, once our downshifter started working there, he realized that the woman's word was the final authority on pretty much all other issues.  Now, because she lacks corporate experience, she is not capable of assessing the Controller's performance.  In her mind, any other accountant would provide the same input as this guy, who managed in the first three months to correct more procedural, systematic, recording, and administrative errors than he did in 25 years before this job. Moreover, he contributes into the company's strategic decisions.  All that for a price of a low-brow peripheral Controller.  The CEO has no clue that what she's got was a gift; that she got very lucky again and obtained an Hermes bag for the price of a Coach.

This is a big problem.  If your boss doesn't understand your value, she cannot appreciate your contribution. The fact that someone with lower qualifications and less experience would not be able to attend to the sophisticated tasks you accomplish remains unnoticed.  As a result, you are helping to better the company without a chance for a fair reward. 

What to do in this situation?  You are not the type to brag every time you do something extraordinary.  The first thought comes to mind is to re-introduce yourself.  The guy who hired you didn't share your resume with his partner, so give her one together with your salary history.  You can say, "I understand you've never had a chance to look at it before and I think it's not fair for either of us."   I know some people will say it's tasteless, but the options here are limited.

Secondly, you must propose a proper evaluation system for all staff members.  Because these people have no idea how to go about it, they will turn to you.  This is your chance!  Provide them with the format that allows employees to list their own accomplishments.  Then, make sure that reviews are actually conducted.

Finally, if you don't get satisfactory acknowledgement anyway, start looking for another job.  Maybe you will be luckier this time around.  It's like I always say, employment at will works both ways: they can separate from you at any time, but so can you.