Category: Coping Advice

One CFO’s Personal Tools for Frustration Relief


So, my fellow CFO’s and Controllers, as promised in my previous post, here are the few tricks I use to privately release my frustration after calmly presenting the composed image to the rest of the world.  They are in no specific order.  I pick whichever feels right at a particular moment.

(1.)  Go to the washroom, enter a stall, close your eyes and start cursing.  Five minutes of swearing usually gives a tremendous relief.  The volume doesn’t really matter.  If raising your voice helps you personally and you are sure nobody is around, go ahead.  For me, however, loud whispering (the way actors whisper on stage, so that everyone can hear them), works the best.  The dirtier the better.  Just pretend that you are in a Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino movie.  If you know other languages, use all of them.  Remember, don’t call the objects of your frustration by their names, but keep their faces in front of you mentally.

(2.) This release method is not my original.  It was shared with me by one of my European colleagues and she has learned it from someone else – I am sure it’s been passed on from one generation to another.  I can vouch that it works like a charm.  You have to create a “Page of Frustration.”  Draw some monster on it, something absolutely revolting.  Your artistic abilities make no difference.  You can ask a child to draw it for you.  The most important thing is to write the title and the destruction instructions on the page.  For example:  “Page of Frustration.  In case of emergency, throw it on the floor and stomp it to shreds.”     For some people “viciously crumple and tear it into small pieces” seems to be more appealing.  Whatever works! Make yourself a stack of copies and keep them in your desk.  Make sure that you don’t run out!

(3.) Another useful inventory for a chronically frustrated CFO or Controller is a favorite treat.  Don’t get me wrong – the last thing I want is for anybody to become a closet eater, consuming large quantities of food in search of unattainable solace.  No!!!  That’s not what I am talking about.  I am talking about very small quantities of very small treats, eaten at a very slow pace: three of Godiva chocolate pearls, or five gummy bears, 1/2 oz of trail mix, etc.  Separate them into these small portions in advance, keep only few in your office and consume only as a release remedy.  It works more as a meditative solution than as aggression liberation, but sometimes that’s all you need.

(4.) On my Front Page Raison d’etre, I talk about the therapeutic effects of writing.  And I maintain that committing your grievance to paper is the best form of releasing frustration, tension, stress and anxiety.   You can do it in different ways.  You can pour your heart out in a diary.  You can pretend to write a letter or an email to the source of your pain (without sending them out, of course) describing the situation, verbalizing your feelings, expressing your concerns.  Or you can go a step further towards more satisfying resolution.  You can write that email and send it to me.  Not only that I will become the receptacle of your turmoil, but I will give it even bigger audience by sharing it with other CFO’s, Controllers, etc.

Quote of the Week: Self-Help Advice from David Foster Wallace


David foster wallace"Don't worry about getting in touch with your feelings, they'll get in touch with you."

David Foster Wallace

Quote of the Day: Mark Twain on Profanity


“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”

                                                                            Mark Twain

Priorities and Attitudes


I’ve been predominantly focusing on specific issues and situations lately, thus ignoring the general topics of behavioral patterns in work environment.  So, today I would like to discuss how people’s priorities affect their attitudes and how important it is to recognize that connection not only in yourself, but in people around you as well.

Depending on circumstances, we switch from one mode of operation to another and focus on different priorities. This affects our behavioral patterns, our attitudes towards the tasks at hand and people around us.  For most of us, it is difficult to dissect and analyze our own motivations and actions.  However, to succeed in business and in life we need not only understand ourselves, but go further and develop an ability to recognize the behavioral patterns in others as well.

The good news is that we can apply a certain level of standardization to the seemingly limitless array of human demeanor.  Let’s look at some of the most common priority/attitude correlations.

Remember my post about Economic Triangles?  What happens if the highest priority is speed – to get a task accomplished in the shortest possible time?  Frequently that pushes the quality of the result to much lower level on the priority ladder.  At the same time, for someone like me, for example, it is highly important that no half-baked crap leaves my desk.  It is most likely that while trying to balance speed and quality I will display signs of agitation and frustration.  And so will anybody else in this position.

Here is another one.  Sometime ago you gave one of your employees a complicated assignment.  It’s not just complex, but it’s a crucial piece in your decision-making process concerning viability of a new line of business.  Now, he stands at your door shining like a well-kept copper kettle.  You are busy (when we are not busy?) – you raise your head and snap, “If you have something, send me an email.”  What was the guy’s priority?  Economy of time?  No, it was the desire to show you his accomplishment and be rewarded by your recognition of his success.  Next time you pass him you see him slacked back in his chair sourly moving his mouse.  Whose fault is that?     

So, next time a perfectionist under your supervision starts acting like an irritable child, ask yourself whether there is a conflict between the quality requirements and the deadline imposed on him.  And if an enthusiastic and talented person starts displaying passive-aggressive symptoms, see if you can give him a mid-term performance evaluation and express your appreciation.  

Over the years of self-training and experience, I have become an expert in prioritization and optimization of my personal standards against requirements of the moment.  It takes years of conscious efforts to develop these abilities.  People around us, including our subordinates, peers and bosses don’t necessarily possess them.  Understanding the conflict of priorities that dictates their attitudes gives us an undeniable professional edge.    

The Frustrated CFO’s Means of Self-Therapy


Alt-J at Terminal 5 03/24/2013, photo by MZI was standing there at Terminal 5 yesterday, listening to Alt-J performing their 2012 Mercury Prize winning album An Awesome Wave live, cheering with the rest of the audience at the first notes of each song in recognition of their sublime quality.  And once again a familiar notion formed inside my head.  It happens to me every time I experience something that momentarily separates my  being from all the negative garbage in my life.  I think, "If I didn't keep on, I wouldn't have received this gift, I wouldn't have come to know these songs, I wouldn't be bobbing in rhythm right now."

I claw my way through the long stretches of hard life, full of frustration and disappointments, from one moment like this to another.  This is what forces me to continue – the hope that there is another wonder ahead.  And when they come, I use them as my self-therapy: I imprint the intimacy of the experience in my memory and let it carry me over the next hurdle. 

It's like mantra:  If I didn't endure I wouldn't have exited the Bullet train onto the platform of Shuzenji station and felt my rusty armor melting away; I wouldn't have seen that astonishing photo my daughter took a few months ago; I wouldn't have watched Radiohead, The Mars Volta, Tool do their on-stage magic;  I wouldn't have heard Andrew Bird's heavenly sounds in the Guggenheim and in the Riverside Church; I wouldn't have read new Egan, Carson, Cunningham; I wouldn't have stood in the middle of the Red Forest breathing the ancient clarity…  And I wouldn't have been at Terminal 5 yesterday.

So, here is my personal tip for everyone who, like me, is overwhelmed with frustration and prone to desperation: find something powerful that can make you forget about the dread, look for opportunities to experience it whenever you can, and hold on to the sensory memory of each occasion for as long as the shittiness of this life allows you.  And let's hope that the gaps between the moments of joy will not get any longer then they already are.

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank my daughter for treating her mother as an equal and sharing all kinds of awesomeness.  And thank you very much, the dude from Bumblefuck, IL.