Category: Coping Advice

“The King’s Speech” Illustrates The Frustrated CFO’s (and Mark Twain’s) Point


11154473_detThose who have been reading this blog since its start, hopefully remember this early post about my personal tools of frustration release.  The first method on the list advised to go into an isolated place and let your frustration out with the worst curses you know.

More recently, I posted this Quote from Mark Twain,  emphasizing the same notion.  The great writer, who found humor even in the rumors about his death, also found solace in profanity.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, everyone recognizes the power of cursing.   We use it far more frequently as an expression of physical pain, anguish, anger, and frustration, than as a deriding instrument.  People curse at themselves, at their lives' circumstances, at the damned table corner always in the way.  Most of the time they do it when they are completely alone and nobody can hear them.  They do it because it is an intuitive tension-release mechanism.

Case in point – Oscar-nominated The King's Speech, based on a true story.  Prince Albert (always fantastic Colin Firth), had a speech impediment caused by multiple childhood psychological traumas.  Because of his position, the future King George VI was in the public view and, through the popularization of the radio, in the public ear – stammering and all.  It made him an object of ridicule even before the abdication of his older brother David pushed him into the throne of British Empire.  

For many years he sought help of different doctors and linguistic practitioners.  Finally, he meets Lionel Logue (even more fantastic Geoffrey Rush).  This unorthodox, way-ahead-of-his-time speech therapist worked with post-traumatic WWI veterans and understood that acquired defects are psychological in their roots and have to do with fear and tension. 

Mr. Logue takes on the Royal patient.   His methods are designed to remove the stress that causes his charge to stumble over the words.  He has a lot of tricks up his sleeve: breathing, exercising, singing and, of course, cursing are all used as means of frustration release.  The movie wonderfully shows how the speech center in His Majesty's brain has much easier time dealing with difficult sentences after the fear rides out on those few "dirty" words.   Thus, it illustrates my point that if you find yourself chocking with anxiety, profanity helps.

Sadly and ridiculously those few oaths caused the movie to be rated R.   I mean, 13-year-olds, can hear more curse words on their way to school.  Now, the entertainment media talks about the Weinstein brothers deciding to cut those therapeutic outbursts out in order to "re-introduce" The Kings Speech with PG-13 rating.  I have no clue why they want to do that.  The movie has already grossed nearly 900% of its budget.  Some people say that it will not take anything away from the story, but I strongly disagree.  It is an integral part of keeping yourself functional in this stressful life – for a king, a writer, or a CFO.

CFO Folklore: When Your Boss’s Secretary Becomes His Girlfriend


Here is a sensitive and complex topic – it involves people's personal lives and therefore should not be anybody else's business.  Yet it affects our work environment and impacts employees morale.  Always!  There are no exceptions.  

It is not a rare occurrence either.  In the past I had a boss who was seduced by his secretary and ended up leaving his family.  In another company I had to fire a general manger to avoid a possibility of sexual harassment law suit, while the company's owner was on his second marriage to a woman who was his former secretary.  And the list of stories I've heard from my colleagues, associates, subordinates and just friends is endless.

The nature of the boss/secretary professional relationship by itself has a somewhat intimate connotation.   They are near each other in the office space.  All day long the secretary attends to the boss's needs, frequently takes care of his personal matters, stays by his side when he works late.  Add to that the fact that most secretaries nowadays are younger women, as the class of "career personal assistant" is disappearing.   Plus, there is the appeal of power and a possibility of material benefits.  All this together creates an undeniably fruitful environment for trysts.  Hell, we have wonderful independent movies about it.



      

Unfortunately, it is not as much fun when you actually have to work with this in your face.

I frequently repeat in these posts that private businesses are absolute monarchies.  Historically, every single Royal figure had his or hers favorite,  i.e. an "intimate companion of a ruler," or, as OED defines it "one who stands unduly high in the favour of a prince."  The contemporary "rulers" are just upholding this "fine" historical tradition.

The key here is the unduly power bestowed on the favorite.  Again, I don't care about people's personal lives.  I really don't!  Moreover, if favorites were working ten times harder and their attitudes were twenty times nicer, I would consider that an improvement. 

However, that is not what usually happens.  In reality boss's secretarial lover stops working altogether.  I witnessed a hiring of an "assistant to personal assistant" to patch the hole in the workflow.  They become arrogant and acquire nasty disposition towards other people in the office.  Frequently they get promoted to managerial jobs they are not qualified to perform with salaries they didn't deserve.

In a small business, even with 500 employees, that's hard to hide.  Well, as a CFO or a Controller, you have your own powers and you don't really need to bother yourself with this unless she starts infringing on your scope of command (sadly, that happens too).  And yet your position exposes you to the unfairness of the situation in the most explicit way: you are the one who has to sign off her 50% raise; you are the one who has to approve her 12 weeks a year vacation time; those are your direct reports that get mistreated by her.  

Talking about terrible frustration!   

Woes of an Overwhelmed CFO


This quote has been attributed to different people, frequently (and erroneously) to even Andrew Jackson, but in fact it was John W. Raper who said,

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it." 

Oh, man, he sounds healthy!  What a laid-back guy!  No pressure gets to him?  Where do you get that kind of attitude?  I want some.

Because, in professional life of a frustrated CFO or Controller having lots to do and not doing it spells disaster, anxiety and depression, not fun.  As the matter of fact, "not doing it" is frequently a symptom of a psychological condition experienced by high achievers with multiple responsibilities. 

Images Have you been there, in that scary place?  There is so much to do, your subconsciousness tells you that there is no way all these things can be done by you.   Your entire being refuses to embark on all these tasks – you stop doing everything.  You are so overwhelmed you become paralyzed.  Everyday you tell yourself that tomorrow you will get on with it, and then you close your door and play solitaire all day.  In other words, you are on your way to a fully blown burnout.

And if you work in a small or mid-size company, no outside help is coming:  there are no Employee Assistance Programs or Stress Management Trainings.  Nobody will even notice that something is wrong.  You are on your own! 

But, wait a minute…  First of all, take a fucking Xanax and force yourself to use the moment of relaxation it gives you to not do anything at all, but think about your situation.  Do it NOW! 

Aren't you the self-reliant person who always handled your own problems and overcame all obstacles in front of you.  How did you get here in the first place?  How did you come to occupy this executive position?  Where is that person?  There must be some grains of him/her left in you.

Now, take your favorite yellow (or gray) notepad and write down all those tasks that terrify you so much – beats playing computer games.  This very long list is your basis.  Now start the next list. Title it "Delegate" and transfer here all those tasks you can delegate to your subordinates, or other departments.  Every time you list an item to delegate, cross it out on the main list. 

And don't tell me you cannot delegate anything – this is an emergency, you can and you must!  If you are a one-person show, this is the right time to talk to your boss(es) about hiring help.  Go to them with both lists – they might "surprise" you by saying they had no idea your were so overwhelmed.

The remainder of the base list needs to be further divided into four parts:  

  1. Top priority (today and next three business days)
  2. Short-term plan (next two weeks)
  3. Long-term plan (next six to eight weeks)
  4. Tentative plan aka the back burner (next 4 months, or so).

The only list you are going to look at now is that much shorter Top Priority list.  Calculate how many tasks you have there – let's say 8.  If you work like me, your working day is at least 10 hours.  The 4 business days allotted to this list is 40 hours.  This means you have 5 hours for each task.  That's it – start working on the first one.    

Still cannot do it?  Then you are in need of serious help – find yourself a good doctor.

You can find more advice in this post Time Organization as Anti-Frustration Tool.

CFO Folklore: My Personal Mantra


In my earlier post Why Do I Work So Hard? I talked extensively about conscientious attitude towards my CFO responsibilities.  However, time and again I find myself worrying about matters, which are not really under my direct control: lazy marketing people, self-serving sales force, inept operations, and (again and again) bosses who constantly jeopardize their own business.

And it’s not just me.  There are a lot of people in my network, who display the same level of care.  We frequently become each others’ sounding boards when the angst gets too overwhelming.

So, here we are at lunch.  My friend JM ranting about VP of Ops fighting with his girlfriend on the phone for three hours, while the production manager was waiting for him.  I am sharing the pains of trying to catch the President to release a $1M wire transfer and his dodging me because “he had enough for the day.”

And it’s not like we don’t have anything else to discuss.  Most of my business acquaintances are entertaining individuals.  JM, for example, has an incredible sense of humor.  I am a theater and foreign cinema fanatic.  Somehow, my banking relations are all classical music buffs.  We all read Jonathan Franzen and Michael Cunningham.

And yet, we talk about problems at work every chance we get.  Most people, when they stop for a second and think about it, get very angry and frustrated with themselves.  Frequently at the end of these conversations I hear, ” I don’t own this business.  It is not my fuck up.  Am I supposed to butt in on other people’s responsibilities? Why do I even care?“

Me? I don’t get frustrated about my caring so much.  And I tell my concerned peers that they shouldn’t get upset with themselves either.  You see, years ago I figured out that the conscientious working attitude, the ambition to succeed, the striving for merit-based rewards and the care for the entire business – they all go together.  They are inseparable qualities and indifference doesn’t fit into the picture.  If this is who you are, you will always care.  

Moreover, in small business environment, this very combination of qualities is what brought you to where you are.  This is what separates you from others.  This is what got you into the CFO or Controller chair with the correspondent salary and perks attached, which, in their turn, define your living standards. 

So, I’ve created myself a mantra: I CAN’T SURVIVE ON “I DON’T CARE.”  

There is a compensation threshold, which, when crossed, brings you into the stage of your professional life, where hardworking people care about the well-being of their employers.  I’d say right now it’s somewhere around $70K a year.   At $200K a year, you either care a whole lot, or you are a fraud, or you are working for a big-size mastodon.  So, ask yourself, “Can I survive on a $70K salary?”  And if you can, go for it – not caring is a bliss.

The Frustrated CFO Takes Lessons from Karl Pilkington


Images Karl Pilkington of Ricky Gervais Show and An Idiot Abroad has nothing to do with CFOs and Controllers.  Nevertheless, his unconventional wisdom, profound understanding of how bizarre life is, and unwavering ability to stay calm, deserve recognition in this blog.  After all,  the majority of issues we discuss are related to coping with the overwhelming strangeness of our professional existence, and human behavior.   Moreover, we look for the ways to get rid of our anxiety and frustration, and Karl has a good grip on his emotions and an admirable attitude towards life.  Watch the video at the the end of this post and you will see what I am talking about.

It is difficult for over-educated and jaded people like us, who spent their lives doing what was expected, to take lessons from someone who accepts life as it comes and is not afraid to voice his unusual opinions.  Karl Pilkington possesses the truthful innocence that we either never had or lost in the early stages of our childhood through severe parental and educational brainwashing.  Nevertheless, considering how frustrated most of us are with our lives, we should definitely try.  So, here are five lessons The Frustrated CFO draws from Karl Pilkington's wisdom.  None of them are profound breakthroughs and you probably knew them to be true already.  It's just that we frequently forget these truths, while Karl lives by them.

1.  If you keep your cool and don't refuel attackers, they stop pretty quickly.  We see Ricky laughing at Karl's every sentence, calling him names, etc.  Karl just sits there with Zen calm, not even smiling, or saying anything back.  The attack dies very quickly.

2.  If you don't retaliate people's insults, you automatically get yourself on the sympathetic side of the argument.  Ricky calls Karl an idiot, an empty-headed buffoon, etc.   We never hear a single crass word back.  So, what happens?  People say that Ricky is "soooo mean"  and everyone loves Karl.

3.  If you criticize a group of people instead of attacking a particular individual representing that group, it will have a much better effect.  When you address faults of one person they get offended and stop listening.  When you speak about shortcomings in general terms, people think its not about them, but subconsciously may recognize their own traits.  Karl never says "my doctor," or refers to his local Chinese restaurant.  So, instead of attacking an employee whose lack of urgency drives you insane, or throwing accusations of oppression into someone's face, we should find a right moment to talk about laziness and bullying in general.

4.  You can speak your mind and cover up your harshest statements with innocent humor.  Of course, this one is hard – not everyone possesses a sense of humor, but I found for myself that a smile alone goes a long way when you make severe statements.

5.  This is the hardest lesson to learn.  If you manage to unclog your mind of politically correct, pre-programmed bullshit, you can unlock free-thinking abilities that you didn't suspect were inside your head.