Category: Coping Advice

How Far Can They Push Us?


The post about infringement of freedom in the workplace generated further discussions among my peers. 

Some people actually said that I made them very depressed by putting into words realizations they try to avoid.  I would like to remind these people that the Welcome page of this blog, Reason to Share, clearly expresses my belief that sharing frustration gives us therapeutic relief.

Others felt that my "uplifting" statement that one can always quit was clouded by the suggestion that most CFOs and Controllers cannot afford to do so.  Indeed, I keep talking about how difficult it is to find a CFO/Controller level job nowadays.  That's why I don't suggest quitting without lining something else up or having sufficient funds to keep yourself afloat during the job search.  The truth is, you need to establish an emergency fund anyway – as I always say, there is no such thing as job security for anyone in this new world.

But let me tell you from my own experience, there comes the time when you just know you cannot deal anymore.  You are so frustrated, anxious, depressed, angry and hopeless, you cannot breath.  No matter what you do to get a grip, it feels like your balance is slipping away.  If that's the case, it is time to make your move, because otherwise the suffering is going to destroy you either psychologically, or physically, or both.

I have many stories about people pushed too far and, hopefully, I will be able to tell them here at one or another point.  However, for this particular post I decided to use, as means of a more familiar illustration, a Hollywood classic by Billy Wilder – "The Apartment" (1960). 

The main character (forever great Jack Lemmon) is not a CFO or a Controller, but he is an ambitious person and the gist of the story is very relatable to subordinate employees on all levels.  You see, he really wants to climb the career ladder.  So, he lets the VPs to use his apartment for their extramarital encounters.  He even lays out snacks and liquor for them to enjoy. 

When he allows himself to be convinced by his boss to leave his apartment on  a rainy Christmas Eve, he is angry and frustrated, but he keeps his mouth shut.  And finally he gets that "big promotion" he'd wanted.



Jack's character falls in love with the elevator girl.  He doesn't know that she has been to his apartment with one of his bosses as well.  When the moment of truth finally comes, he feels so overwhelmed, he realizes that he cannot be a doormat anymore.  The time has come to be a human being.



So, gives up his job.  Of course, as in all Hollywood fairy tales, he gets the girl (an adorable Shirley MacLaine) as a reward for his courage.  But it does not matter: rewards or not, everyone has their own threshold of pain tolerance.





 

The Frustration Release Hero


The US Open, tennis’s most visited Grand Slam, is in its second week now and I cannot pass on the opportunity to pay homage to my favorite Champion.  He had never had anything to do with the financial profession (even though he possesses remarkable financial savvy that allowed him to preserve and expand his wealth), but what fits him perfectly into this blog’s context is his special relationship with Frustration.

I am talking, of course, about John McEnroe.  The majority of his critics wrote off his tantrums, consistently displayed on and off the court, as uncontrolled bad temper.  As if he just had bad manners and didn’t know how to carry himself properly in accordance with the “proper” police.

The truth is that the great tennis misbehaving hero has an incredible sense of what’s right and what’s not.  He gets frustrated when things are not the way they are supposed to be.  And, as we discussed before, in What is Frustration? , that’s a normal reaction.  

If you recall, his most famous outbursts were never random – they were directed at chair umpires’ questionable calls, rude audiences, trash-talking opponents, his own errors, etc.  Unfortunately, he didn’t have an ability to keep it inside until the end of the match and then let it out some place private (like I advise you, or like Roger Federer does).  Instead……

Watch this: “You cannot be serious!!!” 

Talking about the frustration release…   However, he also capitalized on his frustration.  He elevated his game and thus silenced and destroyed his critics, he created shots still remembered by connoisseurs, he won 7 Grand Slams and ranked Number One in the World.

The reason to address the problems that we face everyday in our working environment is not just to release our frustrations, but to to be able to get over them, to continue doing your job the best you can, to carry on.

One CFO’s “Page of Frustration”


I thought I'd show you my own Page of Frustration.  However, I insist that if you decide to use this method of release,  you should create one for yourself according to the general description I provided in item 2 of my previous post One CFO's Personal Tools for Frustration Relief.  The process of designing your own Page will not only help you to work out the real reasons behind the frustration, but will also have a therapeutical effect.

  Page of Frustration-med

 

Help!!! The frustration is chocking me!


Yes, frequently the frustration heats your blood up to the boiling point.  You can physically feel it: adrenaline rushes through your body, your air intakes come faster, your temples are throbbing.  You feel as if you are about to choke.  You want to scream, you want to destroy the obstacle, the cause!  You want to hit the roof!

But you cannot!  You are a Financial Executive – the CFO or the Controller of this company.  You have to control yourself.  There is no way you can throw your boss out of your office.  You can fire your inadequate employee on the spot, but that would mean spending months on search and training of someone new.  And the VP, who drives you insane with his inability to improve sales and at the very least to show up on time for the meeting, is your CEO's son.

So000, you have to control yourself in the face of these frustrating circumstances.  You have to present your most composed self on the outside and act constructively like a seasoned professional you are.  At the right moment you mention some urgent marketing matter that only your boss can resolve and he obediently runs out while being convinced that it was his idea in the first place. You calmly ask your employee to get off the Internet and start her on the project with recommendations for the best solutions.  You explain again to the VP of Sales why it is important to concentrate on distribution of more profitable, but not necessarily most expensive  products.  And next time, if you want to meet with him at 2 pm, you ask him to come at 1:30 pm. 

Well, that's all good for the business and your authority position, but it does not stop the chocking feeling, and the throbbing, and the anger.  As the matter of fact, the symptoms are getting worth, because you bottled that Molotov cocktail inside and it threatens to explode.

There is a need for release.  In my post on Tuesday, the 31st, I will share with you my few tricks.