Category: Dealing with People

Priorities and Attitudes


I’ve been predominantly focusing on specific issues and situations lately, thus ignoring the general topics of behavioral patterns in work environment.  So, today I would like to discuss how people’s priorities affect their attitudes and how important it is to recognize that connection not only in yourself, but in people around you as well.

Depending on circumstances, we switch from one mode of operation to another and focus on different priorities. This affects our behavioral patterns, our attitudes towards the tasks at hand and people around us.  For most of us, it is difficult to dissect and analyze our own motivations and actions.  However, to succeed in business and in life we need not only understand ourselves, but go further and develop an ability to recognize the behavioral patterns in others as well.

The good news is that we can apply a certain level of standardization to the seemingly limitless array of human demeanor.  Let’s look at some of the most common priority/attitude correlations.

Remember my post about Economic Triangles?  What happens if the highest priority is speed – to get a task accomplished in the shortest possible time?  Frequently that pushes the quality of the result to much lower level on the priority ladder.  At the same time, for someone like me, for example, it is highly important that no half-baked crap leaves my desk.  It is most likely that while trying to balance speed and quality I will display signs of agitation and frustration.  And so will anybody else in this position.

Here is another one.  Sometime ago you gave one of your employees a complicated assignment.  It’s not just complex, but it’s a crucial piece in your decision-making process concerning viability of a new line of business.  Now, he stands at your door shining like a well-kept copper kettle.  You are busy (when we are not busy?) – you raise your head and snap, “If you have something, send me an email.”  What was the guy’s priority?  Economy of time?  No, it was the desire to show you his accomplishment and be rewarded by your recognition of his success.  Next time you pass him you see him slacked back in his chair sourly moving his mouse.  Whose fault is that?     

So, next time a perfectionist under your supervision starts acting like an irritable child, ask yourself whether there is a conflict between the quality requirements and the deadline imposed on him.  And if an enthusiastic and talented person starts displaying passive-aggressive symptoms, see if you can give him a mid-term performance evaluation and express your appreciation.  

Over the years of self-training and experience, I have become an expert in prioritization and optimization of my personal standards against requirements of the moment.  It takes years of conscious efforts to develop these abilities.  People around us, including our subordinates, peers and bosses don’t necessarily possess them.  Understanding the conflict of priorities that dictates their attitudes gives us an undeniable professional edge.    

This Is What It Feels Like When the CFO Cries


ImagesCAXCD1QBWhen I was a little girl, a preteen, a teenager, my parents always teased me, "Why are you crying?  Feeling sorry for yourself?"  I could've been weeping about some really heart-breaking moment in my life or over a beautiful passage in a book – it didn't matter, their reaction was always the same.

Well, if that was their way of toughening me up, it worked.  But discouraging crying?  Nah, their badgering wasn't successful - I'm still a crier.  Blatant injustices, the disappearance of Earth's beauty, the unfairness of life; but also a goosebumpy music passage, a powerful piece of acting, an especially brilliant bit of storytelling, a rare instance of mesmerizing artistry – all are known to bring quick tears to my eyes.  

But all these occasions allow me to cry secretly – in a privacy of my home; in the darkness of a theater; sometimes in the middle of a crowded place, where nobody knows me (which is the same as being alone); or in front of a few people (can count them on one hand), who are so close to me, most of the time we cry about the same things.  To the rest of the world, however, I'm known as Marina of Steel, always composed and together.  In fact, most people think that I am a gruff bitch.  The mother-fuckers would probably have panic attacks if they saw me all snotty and whimpering - the way I get, when I fight with my daughter.

In my entire career there were only a few occasions, when, while in the office, I simply couldn't hold back tears – the ducts just acted on their own accord, the way they do when you get hit on the nose.  One time, during a meeting, my CEO threw some reports straight into one of my subordinate's face, and I couldn't do anything about it: couldn't protect the victim, couldn't say anything to the boss – just had to watch it happening.  I remember thinking, "God, if somebody else did that in front of me, I would've fucking slapped him.  But I have to pretend that I'm paralyzed, because I need my job!  It hurts!"  And the tears just rolled out involuntary.  

Nearly 20 years ago (God! I was still young then!), a different boss, always insecure about his origins and education, got angry with me, because he forgot to request some analysis he urgently needed, yet expected that I would telepathically infer his wishes.  I was already a Controller and have accomplished some pretty amazing stuff for the company (for which, truth be told, I was very well compensated).  So, I felt pretty secure to simply explain that he never asked for it.  To this he retorted: "You're probably lying that you were always a straight A student.  No doubt your mother bribed your teachers."  There were other people around too, listening…  The randomness and the absurdity of the insult hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was lost for words and my eyes just swelled with tears.  Nothing was to be done or said, of course – my family's well-being was much higher on my list of priorities than my self-esteem.

Just the other day, a business owner, who was my torturer-in-chief at that moment (he is the one who thinks himself a Good Boss), demanded some pretty serious piece of performance analytics to be delivered to him the next day, before his meeting with X.   Considering the available resources, this was impossible to accomplish.  So, I informed him accordingly.  And yes, I'm too fed up with all this bullshit now, so I let a bit of a sarcasm escape me: "How long have you known about this meeting anyway?" I asked him.  "Let me explained to you the idiocy (Miriam-Webster: extreme mental retardation) of this question," he replied and then embarked on a long-winded rant about…  Well, who cares?  And I wasn't listening anymore.  I wanted to laugh, but somehow sparse teardrops started falling down instead.  Thank God, I cried – at least it stopped his blabbering and he left the room.                    

Yeah, things like that…  So, it's true – I cry because I feel sorry for myself.  I'm sorry that my life is nothing what I hoped it would be.  I'm sorry that I don't have enough time to do things that I truly love.  I'm sorry that I always work harder than anybody else would in my place and the rewards never match my efforts.  I'm sorry that I always work for people who are not sophisticated enough to understand my value and appreciate my contribution.  I'm sorry that they always turn out to be insecure assholes.  I'm sorry that, even though I held them in my hands, I let all the means of my personal security slip away.  I'm sorry about so many of my choices that led me to where I am…    

…What is that you are saying?  A pity party? So what if it is?  Nobody else pities me – everyone thinks that I'm some fucking stone.   

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“We Are Good Bosses,” Says One Boss to Another


Screaming BossSo, that's how these people manage to live with their own shitty selves!  They walk around with a clear conscience; with no doubt in their souls about their actions.  They don't think about the injustices and the insults of different caliber they spread around with every step they take.  They don't even qualify them as injusticies and insults.  Instead, they pat each other on the backs and tell themselves that they are good bosses!  Their self-delusion probably goes even further: I am terrified to think about it, but they might have convinced themselves that they are good people.  Honestly, the idea of these people going through their lives thinking that they are saints makes my skin itch on the inside.  

To tell you the truth, I prefer honest assholes, like the ones whose primary traits are itemized in the list provided by the Time's article attached on the bottom of this post.  They are at least somewhat conscious of their attitudes and  justify their behavior with the "business necessity."  You know: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do – that sort of thing.  I also think that self-aware bastards are less casual with their cruelty.  Unless they are real sadists, they apply it knowingly and, therefore, sparingly.  

The conversation quoted in the title is not an allegory: I actually had the misfortune of witnessing it.  I had to summon all my will power not to burst out laughing at these jerks.  I've had pangs of suspicion that many business owners felt good about themselves, but this was the first time one of them actually voiced such self-deception in my presence.  Why was it so bitterly funny?  Because, the statement was prompted by their finally adapting a pension plan they promised their employees two years ago. 

These are employers who pick favorites and treat them with an obvious preference, while discriminating against others.  They forget to disclose new commercial initiatives, thus forcing everyone to run against time in order to turn their ideas into business realities.  They will not hesitate to make a "good-natured" joke at an employee's expense or brazenly comment on someone's deficiency.  The list can go on, and on, and on, and on…  What can I say?  Swell guys! 

But let's see.  What are (in my opinion) the attributes of a really Good Boss???

1.  Fairness and objectivity; no bullshit like, "I don't like that bitch's personality, so I don't care if she's going to leave, even if it'll hurt my company."

2.  Dedication to a merit-based system of rewards comprised of both tangible and moral incentives.

3.  Intelligence and business acumen that perpetuates the company's success and keeps employees gratified that they don't work for an incompetent idiot.

4.  High performance standards applied equally to everyone – first and foremost to his/her own work.

5.  Capacity to fully comprehend the abilities and  values of their direct reports.

6.  Sufficient organizational savvy to match subordinates' abilities with functional tasks.

7.  Acceptance of personal responsibility as a job-creator and human-resources leader.

8.  Strong emphasis on the development of employees' know-how and professional growth.

9.  Balanced combination of delegation and efficient supervision; none of that hands-off micromanagement crap I write so much about.

10.  An actual effort to understand people working for the company.

11.  Sufficient tact and self-confidence (!) to prevent casual personal insults, usually resulting from deeply seated insecurity.

12.  And this one is just for me: For once in my life I would like to work for someone with a good memory, because I'm fucking fed up with their forgetting time after time the stuff I say, write, and report to them.   

So, my dear business owners and other chiefs, try to test your performance against the criteria above and see how you do.  None of the "good bosses" I know would score enough for a "D" grade.

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2013 Audit Season: Joke #2


StimpyA lender's field examiner is sent to conduct a periodic review of a borrower's books and records. 

These exercises are regular occurrences in, what I call, the balance sheet financing: a company pledges its assets, receivables and inventories foremost, against a line of credit.  It's only natural that the financial institutions want to make sure, from time to time, that the collateral securing the loans, letters of credits, bank guarantees, etc. actually exists and is properly valued. 

The banks used to be somewhat lax about it and satisfied themselves with quarterly internal financial statements and annual audit reports.  Most of them would ask a client to undergo a field exam (it's always at the client's expense, by the way) only when the issue of a credit line's increase came up.  However, the neverending tittering on the verge between recession and depression has changed things.  The banks got burned by failing companies and defaulted mortgages.  Those that couldn't recover their losses got acquired for peanuts.  The remaining institutions got smarter and stricter.  Nowadays, many lenders demand 2-3 field exams a year.  

Most of these engagements are outsourced to specialized accounting firms, the rest are conducted by the banks' auditing departments.  Either way, the examiners are constantly rotated – every time it's a new team, which is very prudent as far as the auditing standards go, but a pain in the ass for CFO's and Controllers of the companies being reviewed: you feel like a fucking parrot, delivering a summary of the company's business, its operating processes, and accounting procedures over and over again.

Many companies with significant receivables and inventories to pledge against credit lines of $10 million and up are, obviously, international businesses.  The commercial globalization affects both the procurement of resources and the distribution of products.  The ancient golden rule of market success still holds true: people try to buy where the prices are the lowest and sell where the prices are the highest.    

Now, let me remind you, boys and girls, that the United States of America is a solitary customary-measurement island in the global ocean of the metric system.  (Of course, it will cost billions to convert the entire American existence into the world-wide standard. Yet, I always thought that this clinging to the 18th century  units is primarily a manifestation of our country's fundamentally puritan conservatism.  But that's another joke altogether). 

So, back to our examiner.  On the second day of the assignment she comes to her designated point person – the borrower's CFO (the best practice to avoid someone saying something stupid, especially a CEO, is to restrict auditors' access to one person) and shows her an item on the inventory breakdown.  "It says here that the cost is $1.05 per pound, but the supplier's invoice states $2,315 per em tee," she says, actually spelling the stated weight unit – mt.

Reportedly, at this moment the CFO felt like making a joke: "…You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?/They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with Cheese?/No, they got the metric system there, they wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is." 

But looking at the shellac-stiff blond hairdo of this Western PA resident, she changed her mind.  The examiner looked utterly perplexed.  So, instead, the CFO said, "This product is distributed here, in the States, and we keep the inventory records in pounds to match the sales units. However, it was purchased in Korea, so all of the supplier's documentation is in the metric system.  'MT' stands for 'metric ton,' which contains 2,204.62 pounds.  So, if you divide the cost of one metric ton ($2,315) by 2,204.62, you will successfully convert it into the cost per pound ($1.05)."  She writes everything down as she speaks, so that she doesn't have to repeat it again; at least not to this woman. 

The examiner is extremely relieved and very grateful for the little lesson.  The CFO (obviously in humorous mood that day) says, "Wait until you get to our liquid products.  They are bought in metric tons, stored in gallons, and sold in pounds."  "Oh, my God," the auditor looks mortified. 

This is not an isolated anecdote.  It's remarkable how frequently this happens.  I personally never met an auditor who didn't require a tutorial on US vs. metric units conversion.  I'm used to the appalling ignorance. The question is: why is it Ok to come with your tail between your legs and your tongue out, asking these stupid questions?  Haven't these people ever heard about Google?       

CFO Folklore: Ignorantly Insolent Bosses


Panda AccountantIn accounting and auditing, first two months of a fiscal year (for most, January and February) make up a period of Subsequent Events, which are directly related to a company's previous year's Financial Statements.  Goods listed as 12/31 inventory are (hopefully) selling; last year receivalbes are being collected; cash being disbursed for unpaid expenses that comprised your year-end payables and accruals.  Financial auditors specifically target these post-12/31 sales, receipts, and payments to test the accuracy of the Financial Statements.  

Business owners, most of them lacking formal accounting knowledge, are especially confused about the expenses: they see payments being made now for the last year's interests, services, and commissions, and it worries them that somehow the current period's profitability will be affected.  Never mind that every year you explain to them that these items have been already recognized as expenses in the previous fiscal period through payables and accruals, and, therefore, impact only current cash flow, not the operational performance.  Even the ones who don't ignore your explanations and, furthermore, remember some of the terminology you've used, can't help but be a little disconcerted.

So, let's say last week (a week of 02/11) you have approved a $75K commission payment due to a procurement agent for the fourth quarter of 2012.  It requires a second signature – your boss's.  Now, she sees the check and your approval.  She knows your qualifications and what you've done for her company.  Before meeting you, she didn't know anything about accounting and finance at all, but she has learned a great deal from you.  Yet, she is a Business Owner – someone who is not capable of making an effort to overcome her impulses.  The strength of the "I-pay-you" sentiment in her subconsciousness is empowering.

So, she comes to your office, announces the topic ("This commission check") and tries to formulate the question.  First, she mumbles something about "the last year's income," and then the light bulb comes on in her head and she asks, "Was the expense accrued?"

Your mind is very fast and in a fraction of a second a swarm of neurotic, childish thoughts storms through your head: "Are you fucking joking me?  This is from someone who had no concept of revenue and costs recognition?  From someone who like a fucking bookie recorded everything when cash exchanged hands?  You, bitch, didn't have proper records, reports, financial statements!  Your tax returns were made up!  Did you forget that the bank demanded you hire a CFO before they gave you the credit line?  Now, everyone gets weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual reports and statements, thanks to ME!  I pass audits and bank exams without anybody finding a single error or omission!  How dare you!!!"

But you have two post-graduate degrees, 20 years of business experience, a book on CFO's functionality, 10 years of age, and a lifetime of hard knocks over this privileged pixie financed by her husband.  So, you look her straight in the eyes and calmly, almost jokingly, say, "Are you checking on my work?  Accruals and prepaids is what I do.  This was a 2012 expense and, in accordance with the Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, it was recognized as such."

Look, the truth is you should not get upset at your bosses for who they are.  "…Forgive them, for they know not what they do," and all that.  I always say, they are like spoiled and unruly children, who cannot control themselves.  And as long as you need the salary, you have to continue swallowing their shit pills. 

I wish I could stop taking incidents like that personally.  People with my intellect, background, knowledge, and experience – professional, psychological, cultural – should just brush it off.  Yet again, if I was able to do it, I wouldn't have had this blog.