Joke of the Day: Are You Fracking Kidding Me?


FrackingOne of the walls in the lobby of the building where my office is located is entirely covered by multiple monitors.  Together they work as one giant HD screen.  This is what techies call a video wall.  To the best of my knowledge its primary feed is CNBC.

Most days when I leave the office I see in passing Jim Cramer still going Mad about Money. But today I had to leave a little earlier and the only money manager ever to tell the general public not to use their retirement and college funds for stock-market speculations wasn't on yet.  

I have no idea what was on, but from the corner of my eye I saw flashing on the screen

EARTHQUAKES ARE LINKED TO FRACKING?

Eh, dah!  Are you fucking kidding me?  Is that even a question?  Who the fuck told these people that they could rape the Earth every each way and not to hear her scream?

I am glad, though, that it was there, hanging on the wall for a minute – at least someone in the prime media is talking about this abhorrent crime.    

Musings Over People’s Deficiencies, or the Division of Labor Extreme


Workers_in_aeA few weeks ago, this young artist I know went to a party – a sort of a mingling of, let's say (trying to be as vague as possible), people in creative fields.  Afterwards, I asked her how it went and the first thing that I got back was actually a rhetorical question: "Why do people suck so bad at organizing things?"

Turns out the party was arranged by a couple of guys who were "minglers" themselves and volunteered to spearhead the process; apparently, with an unsatisfactory result.  I can hear some of my readers saying with all-knowing intonations, "This is why you outsource to professional event-planners or employ support staffers with event-organizing responsibilities."

And they are correct.  I rarely go to parties myself, but the last two I attended were a huge Gala (over 700 people) and a small Gala (250 people).  The former was put together by a "big-name" event-planning firm and the latter by the event chairman's personal assistant.  Well, those were pretty large affairs with complicated programs and minor celebrities in attendance.  But a regular cocktail and/or dinner party? 

To tell you the truth, every time people start calling expensive coordinators to manage some itty-bitty occasion I have the same mental image: Steve Martin's remade father of the bride questioning his wife (Diane Keaton) on why two people who successfully run independent businesses need any help in putting together a wedding; let alone help of some guy with an unidentifiable accent (Martin Short) and his smug assistant (BD Wong, which is uncanny, cause he was one of the celebrity guests at that big gala I mentioned above).  

You probably think, "Why don't you try it yourself?"  So, let me assure you that I do have experience of rolling up my sleeves and stepping into party-planning when nobody else around is up to the task; most recently for a celebratory corporate festivity for my company with 80 guests.  And, yes, I am a control freak (at least I admit it) and sometimes it is a contributing factor into my taking charge of things, but honestly it was either doing it myself or wasting thousands of dollars on outsourcing. 

Let me remind you that I am a career CFO with multiple interests – I don't do parties, professionally or as a hobby.  Yet, 18 months later people are still talking about it.  And I promise you I didn't do anything out of the ordinary – I simply approached the problem in a logical and systematic way.  That was the very reason the project fell into my lap in the first place – people always rely on my common sense.

But that's a rare commodity nowadays, common sense, isn't it?  And the lack of it causes the trend of ultra-narrow specialization we observe today.  I am not surprised at all that those artistic types couldn't organize a decent party.  Haven't you noticed?  The majority of people around you are good primarily at one thing (if they are good at anything at all): performing their paying jobs, or looking pretty, or being social, or shopping, or cooking.  A person who is "good with people," usually sucks with numbers.  The hard-working breadwinners are mostly useless in their households.  Overwhelming number of people don't even have hobbies these days.  And those with fun-and-leisure faves are too preoccupied to do well at work.

And don't even get me started on the narrow professional specialization cultivated by headhunters and HR specialists too limited to comprehend the concept of adaptable competence!  They perverted the idea of "transferable skills" into exact matches of specific employment in a specific type of company of a specific industry.  Instead of assessing whether an applicant is capable of applying his expertise to ANY business situation they go through a checklist of specialized tasks.  You may be the strongest professional they've ever met, but if you don't collect enough check marks on the roster of narrowly defined projects, you will not be considered.  

How can we be surprised then that people are losing their capacity for systematic thinking both at work and life when they are stuck doing the same shit over and over again?  I'll tell you a secret: I never hire anybody whose resume shows 20 or even 10 years of static employment, no matter how "prestigious" it is.  Adaptability is one of my top 10 key factors of the value assessment.  I like my Renaissance people!             

The scary level of targeted specialization we have reached at this point is not evolutionary or revolutionary; and it's not economically beneficial and "progressive."  This is the aftermath of the intellectual (and physical) laziness that spreads into larger and larger segments of the general population like a pandemic.  The spoiled brats from all kinds of walks of life don't want to do elementary things themselves; they demand to be served, and, the shrinking minority of  enterprising people take the opportunity to supply such services – the natural laws of supply and demand are still struggling against nothingness.

On the opposite side from the utmost lethargy, but causing exactly the same regressively narrow results, is the other extreme - that glorified "focus" on your job and the job only.  Well, mental health specialists define the intense preoccupation with a narrow subject or activity as one of the main characteristics of Asperger syndrome.  And that's a mental disorder! 

Evolutionary speaking, we were never supposed to be this labor-differentiated, because  diverting the responsibilities for all your needs to others humans undercuts your personal chance for survival.  I am not talking pro-level pilotage in every task of life, of course, but there is basic shit you should be able to do yourself! 

And yes, that includes coordinating a simple gathering of people to everyone's satisfaction if the need arises.  I am not saying "Met Gala" with spectacular celebrities, but an ordinary function for 100 regular schmucks should be pretty manageable.

The same goes, as another example, for vacation planning.  One should be capable of tailoring his own decent vacation without paying for some generic package thrown together by an absent-minded leisure-industry professional who knows nothing about you and your companions.

And you should be able to make your place of residence livable without paying $300K fees to a "professional decorator" who will additionally charge you $50K for each made-in-China table lamp that you can buy at Lamp Warehouse in Brooklyn for $3K.  I am not saying Architectural Digest spreads, just a tasteful arrangement of furniture and some tchotchkes that make you feel at home.

And there is no need to call a handyman for bulb-changing, or picture-hanging, or installing a new toilet seat.  Unless, of course, it's a multifunctional state-of-the-art accessory that you've got yourself from Japan via Amazon.  I am not talking about using dangerous power tools to carve a brand-new lock into your door either – such types of amateur endeavors are reserved for very special people, but at least buy yourself a screwdriver.

And I am sorry, mathematically challenged people, but it is not funny anymore that you cannot (and don't want to) balance your checkbooks.  In the age of electronic payments, smart-phone deposits, massive hacking attacks, and readily available devices that can remotely override the security of every plastic item in your wallet, it is really dangerous not to reconcile your cash ins and outs with the bank records.  It's not a goddamned Newton's binomial theorem either!  Just pure arithmetic!  

And green thumb or not, one should be able to plant a seed and tend to it with sufficient care and persistence until it flowers or bears fruit.  Nobody is expecting award-winning roses and pluots here, but carrots, tomatoes, and onions can be managed by a child.

And not being able to cook a simple meal for yourself?  That's just pathetic!  What the hell are you going to do in the absence of the online orders and take-outs?  Chew raw pasta?

Yet, we hear all around us:

"I am totally retarded when it comes to cooking.  I can't even boil an egg!"

Or, "I wouldn't be able to sew a button to save my life!"

That "save my life" turn of phrase is not accidental, by the way.  The day may come when it can have a very literal meaning. 

Gender Equality: Taylor Swift and the Pussy-Cats


Yes, I watched the video and I laughed at the glorious Internet headlines.  Well, what can I say?

To me, the really sad thing about the delirious puppets featured in the Bad Blood video is their conviction that they are real.  Even sadder: because they generate 8-figure annual earnings, have some pull in their closed-off entertainment realms, and are constantly followed by TMZ – they think that they are badass, that they represent the ultimate “Girl Power.”  

Well, the truth is they represent nothing but silliness, artifice, and utter emptiness.  What are these little Girls are made of?  Digitally enhanced voices, and unmemorable music with the life expectancy of butterflies, and silly meaningless lyrics, and even sillier antics, and fake emotions, and amateur face-making, and PR-boosted media frenzy, and airbrushed images, and a whole bunch of CGI.  That what these little Girls are made of – not a single fresh thought, not a single lasting idea.  I mean, they hit such level of dilettante mediocrity in that video, it’s hard to soldier through it.

Even worse, they don’t realize that they are objects AND instruments of manipulations by the men with real power

You see, it serves the men’s ambitions quite well for this type of Girls to be celebrated.  The dominant gender wants their pedestrian, shallow, benign values to be imprinted onto general public.  These girlish marionettes are very important -their individual contributions into the dumbing of the masses is incredible!  But this video opus is something special!  It amplifies the Girls’ damaging effect: together they stay united – not as powerful human entities they think they are, but as a bunch of well-compensated Barbie Dolls on display.  Of course, all girls want to be just like them!  It’s the Toys”R”Us effect!    

And for the hetero-male audience?  It’s the same ages-old flesh peddling: hooker looks, non-existent clothing or skintight latex, seven-inch heels, and, as a bonus, the all-time favorite subject matter – the catfight.

The bitching kittens are not a threat to the gender disbalance at all.  On the contrary, with every step they make and every sound they utter, they throw away everything women were able to gain so far in the hard-fought struggle for equality, for the right to be treated like humans rather than members of a particular gender.

That’s why the male record executives and agents who HANDLE these Girls keep pushing their sissy, non-threatening projects so hard – the more of it is out there polluting every visible and audible media, the less there is room for something real and stirring!       

If these girly bitches really cared about Female Power, they would go and hide their painted faces under their huge pillows in their oversized doll houses.  Their withdrawal from the toolbox of mass manipulations would really benefit the women’s fight for equality. 

And you, Joseph Kahn, The Bride is coming for you.  Now, that she is done with Bill, she can find time to teach you a lesson or two.  Because, there is homage and there is cheap, uninspiring imitation.  And you wouldn’t know the difference even if it ruptured you with a katana.       

“Civilized” Overpopulation and Epidural


Bleubird-familySome time ago, I posted here a video quote of the Gates Foundations' family-planning message.  I mean, you say "family planning" and I will acknowledge your efforts, no matter how feeble, superficial, and confusedly motivated.  Yet, it's important for me to clarify that my own position on family planning is a bit stronger and much wider than those of the philanthropists behind the cute video.  Essentially, the title I chose for the animated citation intended to hint on my personal focus - after all, I did use words like "Key to Economic and Social Survival."

You see, the majority of charitable efforts and government aids are focused on the prevention of unwanted births and directed at either the "third-world" countries or our own domestic lower-income classes.  This is because the predominant idea behind these undertakings, granted too radical for Catholics and the conservative right, is still incredibly human-centric and terribly inadequate with respect to the ecological and other planetary concerns. 

It is basically limited to one straightforward notion that those who cannot afford to provide multiple children with sufficient sustenance, housing, clothing, education, and information technology shouldn't have them (the children).  So, disadvantaged people in poor countries and counties should stop reproducing (and they should, no question about it!), so that the emissaries of the bleeding rich hearts would stop sending to their bosses the unpleasant images of starving, sick, infested, and dying children.  Meanwhile, nobody is paying attention to the violent overpopulation crimes committed against our precious Earth not in some far away land but in so-called centers of "civilization."  

12 years ago my place of residence, a Manhattan high-rise, was famous for having more pets than children.  Today, the building is flooded with infants, toddlers, preschoolers, preteens, and teenagers.  Only after midnight you can pass through the lobby without stumbling into well-off pro-choice parents with the broods of two, three, even four children.   

Practically every single business owner I ever worked with has three children (I swear!).  How about the democratic billionaire couple that cares so much about the family planning in underdeveloped countries, i.e. Bill and Melinda Gates?  How many children do they have?  You guessed it - three! And their philanthropic cohort Warren Buffett?  Also three!  It's some sort of a magic fucking number!  And the funny thing is, they probably think that they are doing right by the Planet – they can afford a whole school of children, but they limited themselves to "just three!"  

So, now let me tell you what I think.  It is my firm believe that in the current state of ecological deterioration, unstoppable depletion of natural and fiscal resources, exponential mental and emotional degeneration of an average human, complete disappearance of merit principles, and overwhelming crumbling of social liberties - it is nothing short of a crime for anybody (and I mean, ANYBODY) to have more than one child!   

This is simple arithmetic, folks:  Why the hell my one child must share air with these endless triple offsprings?  Use your imagination for a second and replace those triples and duos with ones – how much air, food, resources, personal attention, and devotion would we have per each individual child then?  I don't know about you, but this mental picture seems like a much healthier and somewhat less doomed present and future to me. 

I cannot even begin to describe how angry these fucking people with multiple children make me, regardless of who they are – those with sufficient household wealth and those who keep popping them out because our federal and state governments throw our taxes at them (the more dependents, the higher the welfare payments); those who claim that they do it for God and those who "cement their marriages" using babies as cinder blocks. 

And, of course, I always fumed at fertility doctors endlessly pollinating multiple eggs with abundant sperm to ensure successful fertilization, thus exponentially increasing the probability of twin, triple, and even quadruple births.  But, as it turns out, the doctors, who take upon themselves the appalling task of correcting Nature and giving children to people who were meant to have none, are not the worst of medical offenders against our Planet. 

The whims of my life spared me from being exposed to child-bearing and births for the past 20 years.  As a result, I was sheltered from the macabre reality of what I can only call a large-scale bolstering of "civilized" overpopulation.  Until the last year that is, when one of my subordinates got pregnant for the first time.

We are fairly close and she frequently asks for my advice on matters outside of our professional relationship.  So, in the last trimester she approached me with the following: "My doctor asked me if I wanted Epidural." "Why?" I asked innocently, "You are not having a C-section."  She shrugged her shoulders, "Well, they give it to everyone who doesn't want the pain now.  And they've been doing it for years.  But I've read it's not good for the baby."

What???!!!  They give it to everyone?  Even to healthy young women who are built to go through natural labor without any complications?  No wonder these people think nothing of having one child after another.  Why not? But do they ever dwell on a pretty obvious concept that there might be a reason why Mother Nature intended for the birth of a child to be a labor of pain and love?  And don't even get me started on what all these drug-induced and anesthetic-aided infant extractions (you cannot seriously call them labors at this point) do to these newborn humans. 

Obviously, these parents don't care much about the future of their children.  And it's not shocking to me that the drug-pushing doctors and their sponsors, i.e. big pharma, don't care about the survival of their own descendants either.  It should be, but it's not.  The opportunism has become the blinding principle of everyone's existence and it always prevails – all they care about is their bank accounts' balances today!  As they say in French, Apres Moi, le deluge (After me comes the flood)!

And here is another angle.  The conveyor birthing and ballooning families are among the main causes for the perpetually increasing health insurance rates.  Do you realize that in addition to the terrible effect they have on the global environment and economics, these multi-child families are basic larcenists?  Daily they steal hard-earned money from single individuals and one-child parents who are forced to pay exorbitant premiums inflated by these thieves.

I thought that I would never align my interests with those of any big public organization, but in the fight for our Planet's survival any allies count, even those who take the right actions for the wrong reasons.  In their unyielding pursuit of stock "value" inflation, health insurers do whatever they can to assist those who want to stay childless or keep their families small: a vasectomy is covered 100%, so is a once a year abortion performed by a network provider.  Obviously, in the long run these procedures are far more economical than prenatal care, birth, child healthcare, etc., etc. 

Thus, inadvertently, the insurance companies actually contribute to the fight against overpopulation.  But they can do more!  How about they stop covering the goddamn epidural administered to absolutely healthy women?  The last I've heard, each shot costs about $2,000.  So, c'mon HMO, let them feel it, both in their pockets and, as Nature intended, in their birth canals.  Maybe this will make at least some of them to stop at #1.              

The Wealth of the Nation: Observation #2 – Apple Watch


People ask me, “How the fuck does Apple dare to price this watch at $18,000?!”  Granted, most of these people are representatives of the American “contemporary middle class.” 

This basically means that economic and social changes of the past few decades completely cut them out of the luxury goods market, its prices and its intricate marketing strategies.  While their well-employed fathers could still afford to splurge a portion of year-end bonuses on nice presents for their mothers at Saks or Tiffany, these people have no need to be bothered with prices of products that carry such labels as Hermes, ChanelBottega Veneta, or Rolex.  It’s far beyond their purchasing powers and (altogether now!) it’s only gonna get worse

Even if they get bonuses, they need to spend them right away on far more immediate needs – like replacement of a broken kitchen appliance, a leaky roof, or urgent car repairs.  They already borrowed against their 401k to cover the ever-escalating costs of their children’s after-school activities; and the astronomic college tuition… hmmm, they will deal with that when the time comes.    

The only reason they even know about the Apple Edition Watches ($10,000-$18,000) is because they are featured next to Apple Watch ($550-$1,000) and Apple Watch Sport ($350-$600) on Apple.com and are on display in the brick-and-mortar stores.  The pictured watch was showing itself off right on the front page of Apple’s site until literally a few days ago.  So, even if you needed some $19.99 cable, you would’ve seen it.

In an unprecedented move, Apple decided to capture both mass and luxury markets – at the same time and through the same outlets.  And guess what?  All watches, regardless of their prices, were snatched away within the first three minutes of the original release,  thus proving the marketing strategy a total success (well, at least its initial stage).

The supply and demand stimuli worked precisely as if it were a case in an Economics textbook: the cheaper pieces attracted many buyers with their relative value, while the alluring high prices of the gold Apple watches made them even more desirable to those who can afford to shell out this kind of money for a miniaturized iPad.

So, why shouldn’t then a brand charge such prices for its high-end products if the market is willing to bear them?   This constantly happens in the third-world countries, which consist of a vast majority of desperately poor people and a roomful of incredibly wealthy ones, with no middle class in-between.  Already expensive as is, luxury items are priced two, sometimes three times higher in those countries than in Western Europe or the US.  A pair of Prada shoes that can be bought on 5th Avenue in NYC for $750 will carry a $2,200 price tag in Moscow.  And again, why not?  The general population wouldn’t be able to afford them at any price, while the rich and powerful feel no difference between $750 and $2,200.

Of course, you need an extra-special kind of gall to sell exactly the same electronic gadget at a 3000% price differential just because you placed it in a bit of 18K gold (and it’s absolutely irrelevant how fancy the process of creating that 75% gold alloy is – it’s still the same metal).  I mean, a gold Rolex costs only 3-4 times more than the same model in stainless steel; not 30 times more!  Moreover, Apple as a brand has no track records in metallurgy, watch-making, or jewelry designing to support the exorbitant prices! 

A big portion of the premium prices charged for the established luxury goods have nothing to do with the label frenzy – it is supported by decades, sometimes centuries, of extraordinary workmanship, continuous ingenuity of designs, and the unreachable standards of quality.  I mean, Abraham-Louis Breguet started making watches in 1775; Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were his clients!  Every Hermes bag is still made by hand in France according to the quality requirements established in 1837.  The ownership of these items lasts for a very long time – they are passed from one generation to the next.  What will the owner of an Edition Watch pass onto his children?  A bit of scrap gold that surrounds a piece of an outdated electronic junk?

Nevertheless, I applaud Apple for being absolutely honest about it and not hiding the reality behind some bullshit political-correctness curtain.  It is what it is: We live in a society marred by a chasm of monetary division that constantly expands at a speed of light, with a handful of those who can afford whatever without even checking the price, including the damn Apple Edition Watch, and everybody else. 

And it doesn’t matter that the overpopulated side can be further divided into those who will go for a $1000 watch vs. the ones who will settle for the $300 one vs. those who cannot afford anything at the Apple store at all.  Even though our wages vary and, more importantly, we make different choices (a professional woman who decides not to have a suburban house and multiple kids still can afford a luxury bag or a watch once in awhile), our means are quite comparable.  If we are in our right minds, we will not throw away $18K for an Apple watch.  The other side, however, can go crazy to their heart’s content.

But the situation does beg the question: Are these the signs that we are fast becoming a third-world country?