CFO Folklore: Ignorantly Insolent Bosses


Panda AccountantIn accounting and auditing, first two months of a fiscal year (for most, January and February) make up a period of Subsequent Events, which are directly related to a company's previous year's Financial Statements.  Goods listed as 12/31 inventory are (hopefully) selling; last year receivalbes are being collected; cash being disbursed for unpaid expenses that comprised your year-end payables and accruals.  Financial auditors specifically target these post-12/31 sales, receipts, and payments to test the accuracy of the Financial Statements.  

Business owners, most of them lacking formal accounting knowledge, are especially confused about the expenses: they see payments being made now for the last year's interests, services, and commissions, and it worries them that somehow the current period's profitability will be affected.  Never mind that every year you explain to them that these items have been already recognized as expenses in the previous fiscal period through payables and accruals, and, therefore, impact only current cash flow, not the operational performance.  Even the ones who don't ignore your explanations and, furthermore, remember some of the terminology you've used, can't help but be a little disconcerted.

So, let's say last week (a week of 02/11) you have approved a $75K commission payment due to a procurement agent for the fourth quarter of 2012.  It requires a second signature – your boss's.  Now, she sees the check and your approval.  She knows your qualifications and what you've done for her company.  Before meeting you, she didn't know anything about accounting and finance at all, but she has learned a great deal from you.  Yet, she is a Business Owner – someone who is not capable of making an effort to overcome her impulses.  The strength of the "I-pay-you" sentiment in her subconsciousness is empowering.

So, she comes to your office, announces the topic ("This commission check") and tries to formulate the question.  First, she mumbles something about "the last year's income," and then the light bulb comes on in her head and she asks, "Was the expense accrued?"

Your mind is very fast and in a fraction of a second a swarm of neurotic, childish thoughts storms through your head: "Are you fucking joking me?  This is from someone who had no concept of revenue and costs recognition?  From someone who like a fucking bookie recorded everything when cash exchanged hands?  You, bitch, didn't have proper records, reports, financial statements!  Your tax returns were made up!  Did you forget that the bank demanded you hire a CFO before they gave you the credit line?  Now, everyone gets weekly, monthly, quarterly, annual reports and statements, thanks to ME!  I pass audits and bank exams without anybody finding a single error or omission!  How dare you!!!"

But you have two post-graduate degrees, 20 years of business experience, a book on CFO's functionality, 10 years of age, and a lifetime of hard knocks over this privileged pixie financed by her husband.  So, you look her straight in the eyes and calmly, almost jokingly, say, "Are you checking on my work?  Accruals and prepaids is what I do.  This was a 2012 expense and, in accordance with the Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, it was recognized as such."

Look, the truth is you should not get upset at your bosses for who they are.  "…Forgive them, for they know not what they do," and all that.  I always say, they are like spoiled and unruly children, who cannot control themselves.  And as long as you need the salary, you have to continue swallowing their shit pills. 

I wish I could stop taking incidents like that personally.  People with my intellect, background, knowledge, and experience – professional, psychological, cultural – should just brush it off.  Yet again, if I was able to do it, I wouldn't have had this blog.

Quote of the Day: Lost in Thought


"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

                                                                                                            Paul Fix

Quote of the Week: Django on American Quirks


Django-Unchained-Poster-Jackson-630x1024"Calvin Candie:     Your boss looks a little green around the gills.

Django:                     He just ain't used to seein' a man ripped apart by dogs is all.

Calvin Candie:       But you are used to it?

Django:                      I'm just a little more used to Americans than he is."

 

                Written by Quentin Tarantino

                      

Communicate by the Numbers with CFOs


Check out my article in the January Communication Issue of Pragmatic Marketer.   It advises marketing professionals and product managers on ways of effective cooperation with financial functions inside their organizations:

  Communicate by the Numbers with CFOs 

You can also view the article on page 21 of the digital version of the magazine available for downloading below. 

 

Tragicomedy of Obama’s Fiscal Cliff “Win”



A20120613_federal_spending_pigccording to common definitions, a tragicomedy is supposed to have both funny and sad elements, making you laugh and then cry, or the other way around.  For me personally, this genre achieves the strongest effect when it generates a subtle emotional shift: one minute you are laughing your head off and in the next moment, even though nothing drastic happens, you find yourself with a face full of tears; you don't even notice how it happens.  You know what I'm talking about…  All Russian "comedies" are tragicomedies and so are Salvador Dali's paintings.  Fellini was a master of the genre - that is because he understood that Life itself is a tragicomedy.  What a movie he could've made out of this fiscal "cliff-hanging" bullshit!

First I was chuckling softly to myself on account of the make-believe "impasse" antics so eagerly played out by the White House and the Capitol up until December 31st after more than 500 (!) days of supposedly diligent preparations.  We know we cannot take this seriously anymore – we've seen this happening before.  Why are they threatening each other?  What were they going to do if they didn't reach some sort of a half-ass decision?  Jump out of their windows?  We are not that lucky. 

I was roaring with laughter when our Nation's executives, who have US Treasury, the Federal Reserve,  IRS, Government Accountability Office, a bunch of Nobel Prize Laureates in Economics and what have you at their disposal, shyly admitted that for decades they've been forgetting about the goddamn INFLATION (!!!) whenever they tried to separate the middle-class from the wealthy or establish alternative-minimum tax (ATM) exclusions.  Now the stupid $250K mark of "the rich" I previously cursed is out of the window replaced with more sensible $400K.  The ATM scheme got eased up as well and it will be indexed to the value of money from now on.         

I hope you agree with me that the 5% increase of the capital gains tax rate from 15% to 20% for the upper class is also a laughable point.  Some commentators declare that the proverbial "1%" lost.  I say, "Bravo!  Great win, you, guys – just 5%!"  Apparently, it's Ok to tax the top tier of my earnings at 35%, while someone with $1 billion of assets and $100 million of annual gains contributes 20%!  Do we really think that additional $5 million will make that much difference in a life of a family that can afford anything they could possibly imagine?  I mean, Dolce and Gabbana just became billionaires on account of increased demand for luxury goods!   

On the other hand, someone who makes $100k a year will really miss the $2,000 that will be taken out of his net earnings due to the reversal of the Social Security tax rates after only two years of relief.  You cannot help feeling a little sad about it, especially when you consider that 77% of American households are affected by this change.  If each of these families loses on average around $1,000 of disposal income, it will translate into nearly $90 billion drop in consumption of goods and services.  I felt kind of embarrassed, though, shedding a tear about it.  After all, we've been contributing 6.2% into Social Security fund forever.  We knew that the 4.2% rate was only a temporary abatement.    

But now, three weeks later, I cannot shake off a feeling of  desperation.  Oh, there were no new developments or anything like that – everyone in Washington was too busy preparing for the inaugural celebrations.  It's just that the general public's hopeless ignorance became evident once again and it is tragic.  It appears that the immediate reduction of the paychecks is one and only concern for the majority of people.  The short-term loss is blinding - it works as a diversion from far more important issues.

People forgot that the fiscal cliff deal wasn't just about the government's revenues.  The other side of it, the one that deals with the federal spendings, wasn't and still hasn't been addressed at all.  If no solution is developed, the Nation will require to borrow again, even though the already raised Debt Ceiling has been (surprise!) reached. 

But I have much scarier questions.  Why the hell the government is using my Social Security contributions to plug their fiscal deficits?  Why are they funding somebody else's payments with my money?  What happened to the money current retirees contributed from their own paychecks?  Where did they go?  Oh, don't worry – I'm well informed.  These are rhetorical questions.  I know that my generation is the last one that MAY BE able to get federal retirement benefits and that our children do not stand a chance to get even 50% of what they shell out of their earnings.  But why are we not wailing about it on every corner?