Holmes to Watson:
"Televisions are idiot boxes. DVRs are idiots' helpers. We are the idiots. We're quite willingly giving them a part of ourselves: we teach them our tastes, our preferences, just so that they would know which program to record; never once stopping to consider the fact that our selections can be used to profile us."
Elementary, episode 2.8, "Blood is Thicker"
Created by Robert Doherty
So, my fellow CFO’s and Controllers, as promised in my previous post, here are the few tricks I use to privately release my frustration after calmly presenting the composed image to the rest of the world. They are in no specific order. I pick whichever feels right at a particular moment.
(1.) Go to the washroom, enter a stall, close your eyes and start cursing. Five minutes of swearing usually gives a tremendous relief. The volume doesn’t really matter. If raising your voice helps you personally and you are sure nobody is around, go ahead. For me, however, loud whispering (the way actors whisper on stage, so that everyone can hear them), works the best. The dirtier the better. Just pretend that you are in a Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino movie. If you know other languages, use all of them. Remember, don’t call the objects of your frustration by their names, but keep their faces in front of you mentally.
(2.) This release method is not my original. It was shared with me by one of my European colleagues and she has learned it from someone else – I am sure it’s been passed on from one generation to another. I can vouch that it works like a charm. You have to create a “Page of Frustration.” Draw some monster on it, something absolutely revolting. Your artistic abilities make no difference. You can ask a child to draw it for you. The most important thing is to write the title and the destruction instructions on the page. For example: “Page of Frustration. In case of emergency, throw it on the floor and stomp it to shreds.” For some people “viciously crumple and tear it into small pieces” seems to be more appealing. Whatever works! Make yourself a stack of copies and keep them in your desk. Make sure that you don’t run out!
(3.) Another useful inventory for a chronically frustrated CFO or Controller is a favorite treat. Don’t get me wrong – the last thing I want is for anybody to become a closet eater, consuming large quantities of food in search of unattainable solace. No!!! That’s not what I am talking about. I am talking about very small quantities of very small treats, eaten at a very slow pace: three of Godiva chocolate pearls, or five gummy bears, 1/2 oz of trail mix, etc. Separate them into these small portions in advance, keep only few in your office and consume only as a release remedy. It works more as a meditative solution than as aggression liberation, but sometimes that’s all you need.
(4.) On my Front Page Raison d’etre, I talk about the therapeutic effects of writing. And I maintain that committing your grievance to paper is the best form of releasing frustration, tension, stress and anxiety. You can do it in different ways. You can pour your heart out in a diary. You can pretend to write a letter or an email to the source of your pain (without sending them out, of course) describing the situation, verbalizing your feelings, expressing your concerns. Or you can go a step further towards more satisfying resolution. You can write that email and send it to me. Not only that I will become the receptacle of your turmoil, but I will give it even bigger audience by sharing it with other CFO’s, Controllers, etc.
Considering how persistently we refer to our planet as a "small" and "inter-connected" world, it's remarkable to what extent every single country differs from others – even from the immediate neighbors, let alone those separated by oceans, social structures, wealth, religion, culture, etc. And as someone who's been in international business practically all of her career, I am inclined to say that some of the most disparate, incompatible, and frequently irreconcilable national distinctions are the tax laws.
There is a tremendous variation in rules and rates used by governments in order to hack away a chunk of revenues from native, resident, and even passing-through individuals and businesses. Moreover, the relationships between the national tax legislatures are so complicated, they make international tax attorneys into some of the richest bloodsucking professionals. This bullshit, frequently dictated by nationalism, makes the lives of international businesses and cosmopolitan persons alike very complicated and overly expensive. More frequently than not human and artificial taxpayers (thouse who don't cheat and try to avoid going to jail for ridiculous violations) end up paying double, triple, and quadruple taxes.
I personally know people who gave up their US citizenship in order to avoid giving away their entire wealth to multiple governments. Even though, as a financial professional, I totally support their decisions, it always made the patriot in me very sad. But the fact that an American treasure, Tina Turner, will be Swiss now in the name of tax savings – that's just heartbreaking, granted she has been residentially foreign to her homeland for the past 18 years. (By the way, my mind simply refuses to deal with Gerard Depardieu's becoming a Russian).
Robert Wood's article for Forbes (see the link below) is not necessarily the most coherent, but it's relatively brief and full of illuminating numbers that many of my readers will find interesting. Enjoy it!
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?"
Jean Cocteau
(1889 – 1963)
I fucking LOVE how every time you give small business owners, who are usually personally responsible for commercial side of the business, bad news about the company's performance (i.e. report losses), the first thing they do is start looking for faults in accounting instead of strategically correcting their own buying/selling practices.
"Are you sure no extra/double costs were somehow recorded by accident?"
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? And yes, I am fucking sure! I've only been doing this shit for 25 years!! You, on the other hand, found out that accounting exists only 2 years ago, and I was the one who told you!!!
The same shit – company, after company, after company… It's like a fucking natural instinct – the goddamn knee jerk.
The Frustrated CFO 