Bosses – The Frustrated CFO

Job Search: Napoleon Bonaparte Is Hiring

This is a story my friend shared with me. It just happened.

A headhunter, with whom she worked in the past has contacted her. He has a client looking for someone with her qualifications. She is always interested to hear about new opportunities, especially those with potential to expand her CFO expertise.

Surprisingly, the urgency in the headhunter’s voice was incredible. He sounded like a 911 caller witnessing an explosion. He rushed through the sentences, jumped from one point to another like a mad frog, even forgot to tell her what was the client’s business . Somewhere in the middle of it, my friend has realized that she was somewhat overqualified for the job. Moreover, the title and the compensation weren’t defined. That should have alarmed her. Yet in her vanity, and she knows it, she decided that all the hurriedness was fueled by the headhunter’s worries of her not being interested.

Actually, there were a few aspects of the job that sparked her interest. My friend relayed this to the headhunter. He was very excited and went about contacting the client on the next step.

Oh, my God! Within a couple of hours, he called her eleven times: “Setting up a phone interview; no, they are foregoing the phone interview and want to meet you in person straight away; you will meet four different people; no, just two; no, it will be two separate interviews back to back – first with the HR Manager and then with the Owner. Please, pleeeeese, can we do it tomorrow?”

And so, the next day my firiend went to the company’s offices and met with the HR Manager. Talking to him, she was wondering if he would be able to make it through the meeting without falling into a panic attack. Eventually, he led her through the hallway to meet with the Owner/CEO. His agitation escalated in alarming stages. It was like playing a Liszt’s Etude, which calls for “fast” on the first page, then for “faster” on the second, “as fast as possible” on the third, and still “faster” on the next.

At the very moment she got to shake the hand of the tiny man behind the huge desk, it finally dawned on her. It had nothing to do with my friend and her qualifications. This miniature boss of an interesting, but relatively tiny company ($30M) exuded a sense of grandeur of Napoleonic proportions. He had everyone scurrying like scared mice. Even those who were not employed by him; including the headhunter, who works for one of the top 3 international recruitment houses.

The first thing he told her was, “I need a second in command who can keep the troops under control. There were two before you, who were dismissed.” Funny guy!

The Knee-Jerk Reaction to KPI’s Showing a Loss

I fucking LOVE how every time you give small business owners, who are usually personally responsible for commercial side of the business, bad news about the company's performance (i.e. report losses), the first thing they do is start looking for faults in accounting instead of strategically correcting their own buying/selling practices.

"Are you sure no extra/double costs were somehow recorded by accident?"

What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? And yes, I am fucking sure! I've only been doing this shit for 25 years!! You, on the other hand, found out that accounting exists only 2 years ago, and I was the one who told you!!!

The same shit – company, after company, after company… It's like a fucking natural instinct – the goddamn knee jerk.

CFO Folklore: Watch Out for Sudden Meetings Behind Closed Doors

If you are an executive employee (i.e. hired help, not an owner) in a small business, you know what I'm talking about.

Everything used to be pretty transparent: The owner(s) dropped by your office and discussed strategic issues sitting in front of your desk. They ran their ideas by you, stealing yours in the process, which you didn't mind, because you've learned to think of it as a sign of their appreciation. You were a mandatory participant in tactical meetings with various third-parties and considered a welcomed member of the Board of Directors. You were copied on all email exchanges, etc.

Then, BLAM! All of a sudden everything is hush-hush. And it's not like you did anything wrong or have been slacking. No, you are still your highly professional and ingenious self. Yet, when the owners meet (without you now), they close the doors. You know that there are meetings going on without you. You know that there are important matters that your general business acumen could've helped to resolve, but the owners don't seek your opinion anymore. From what you can see (and if you are a CFO, you see more than anyone else) they need your help, but they don't want it. You are excluded from anything outside of your direct professional responsibilities.

And this is unpleasant, to say the least, because, let's face it:

(a) It's a negative change – it would be better not to be included in the first place, then experience rejection for some unknown reason; one minute you were special, an equal, and another (this is how you feel) you are not different from the receptionist, and

(b) The whole damn thing forces you into a guessing mode, which is a direct way to anxiety and depression.

While this situation is definitely common, I will allow that reasons behind it could vary from business to business, and from one owner's personality to another. Yet, I bet that the following four scenarios, crystallized from years of close observation of various business owners, are applicable to the majority of cases:

1. The owner(s) feel intimidated by you. This happens very frequently. Many businessmen have superiority complex and think that they are the smartest people in any room. And then you enter the picture. At some point the owner realizes that you know more, catch faster, and handle things better than him.

Most hired execs (including yours truly) think it's unfair that We, the brilliant and the laudable, are forced to work for "some schmucks," but the person on the other side is hurting too. No, no, no, I'm not going to feel sorry for the poor millionaire boss, but just think for a second – he is caught between the understanding how important you are for the company and his desire to stop feeling like an idiot in your presence.

This sounds like a difficult situation, but rationally speaking this is the best case scenario. IF the boss is a logical person, who cares for his company's (and his own) well being - he will come around; the doors will be opened again. Of course, if he is a self-centered asshole on an ego trip and nothing else matters… see Scenario 4b.

2. The owners fucked something they are responsible for and the business is not doing well (you, the CFO, may not even know it, because the commercial errors didn't translate themselves into fiscal events yet, but it's coming). The last thing they need at this point is you judging them with your I-told-you-so eyes. They feel so awkward that they'd rather hide away than use your help.

3. The troubles are even worth – to the degree that makes them loose sleep and keeps them in a state of perpetual panic. The problem may not even be caused by the business that employs you. For example, one of the owners just got an audit notice from IRS; he knows that some shit could be found in his other businesses that will destroy everything. Or an owner got busted with large quantities of cocaine on him. Stuff like that. Well, you should consider yourself lucky that you are not invited inside those conference rooms with closed doors - you are better off not knowing anything about it for the sake of plausible deniability.

4. The worst case scenario - the meetings are specifically about getting rid of you, while minimizing the impact on the company. We can further subdivide this one according to the underlying causes:

(a) You are too expensive and the owners, while knowing very well that you worth every penny they pay you, don't think the business can afford you anymore, not even with a 30% base reduction.

(b) That owner in the first scenario simply cannot deal with your superiority any longer. He doesn't care how good you are, you've got to go, so that he can forget about you (and he will) and start feeling good about himself again. I have to say, this one is your own fault – if you needed that job, you should've curbed your attitude. (Oh boy, don't I know how incredibly difficult that is!)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! There is a possibility of a fifth scenario (also straight from my experience with rampant business owners): If the boss starts having frequent (and kind of longish) meetings behind closed doors not with other execs or third-party relations, but with his secretary, you probably need to read my post When Your Boss's Secretary Becomes His Girlfriend, written 2.5 years ago. It is, by the way, one of The Frustrated CFO's Top 5 most popular posts to date. So, I know that this particular scenario is very common.

While the reasons for the closed doors vary, your course of action is limited two just two options: (a) suck it up and continue doing your job for the sake of your paycheck, or (b) look for another job and, if you get lucky (real tough for CFOs nowadays), get out. Take my advice: don't lower yourself to passive-aggressive stance, or seek an open confrontation with the owners, or attempt to "ask around." You will not achieve anything this away and it will only make you feel worse.

This Is What It Feels Like When the CFO Cries

When I was a little girl, a preteen, a teenager, my parents always teased me, "Why are you crying? Feeling sorry for yourself?" I could've been weeping about some really heart-breaking moment in my life or over a beautiful passage in a book – it didn't matter, their reaction was always the same.

Well, if that was their way of toughening me up, it worked. But discouraging crying? Nah, their badgering wasn't successful - I'm still a crier. Blatant injustices, the disappearance of Earth's beauty, the unfairness of life; but also a goosebumpy music passage, a powerful piece of acting, an especially brilliant bit of storytelling, a rare instance of mesmerizing artistry – all are known to bring quick tears to my eyes.

But all these occasions allow me to cry secretly – in a privacy of my home; in the darkness of a theater; sometimes in the middle of a crowded place, where nobody knows me (which is the same as being alone); or in front of a few people (can count them on one hand), who are so close to me, most of the time we cry about the same things. To the rest of the world, however, I'm known as Marina of Steel, always composed and together. In fact, most people think that I am a gruff bitch. The mother-fuckers would probably have panic attacks if they saw me all snotty and whimpering - the way I get, when I fight with my daughter.

In my entire career there were only a few occasions, when, while in the office, I simply couldn't hold back tears – the ducts just acted on their own accord, the way they do when you get hit on the nose. One time, during a meeting, my CEO threw some reports straight into one of my subordinate's face, and I couldn't do anything about it: couldn't protect the victim, couldn't say anything to the boss – just had to watch it happening. I remember thinking, "God, if somebody else did that in front of me, I would've fucking slapped him. But I have to pretend that I'm paralyzed, because I need my job! It hurts!" And the tears just rolled out involuntary.

Nearly 20 years ago (God! I was still young then!), a different boss, always insecure about his origins and education, got angry with me, because he forgot to request some analysis he urgently needed, yet expected that I would telepathically infer his wishes. I was already a Controller and have accomplished some pretty amazing stuff for the company (for which, truth be told, I was very well compensated). So, I felt pretty secure to simply explain that he never asked for it. To this he retorted: "You're probably lying that you were always a straight A student. No doubt your mother bribed your teachers." There were other people around too, listening… The randomness and the absurdity of the insult hit me like a ton of bricks. I was lost for words and my eyes just swelled with tears. Nothing was to be done or said, of course – my family's well-being was much higher on my list of priorities than my self-esteem.

Just the other day, a business owner, who was my torturer-in-chief at that moment (he is the one who thinks himself a Good Boss), demanded some pretty serious piece of performance analytics to be delivered to him the next day, before his meeting with X. Considering the available resources, this was impossible to accomplish. So, I informed him accordingly. And yes, I'm too fed up with all this bullshit now, so I let a bit of a sarcasm escape me: "How long have you known about this meeting anyway?" I asked him. "Let me explained to you the idiocy (Miriam-Webster: extreme mental retardation) of this question," he replied and then embarked on a long-winded rant about… Well, who cares? And I wasn't listening anymore. I wanted to laugh, but somehow sparse teardrops started falling down instead. Thank God, I cried – at least it stopped his blabbering and he left the room.

Yeah, things like that… So, it's true – I cry because I feel sorry for myself. I'm sorry that my life is nothing what I hoped it would be. I'm sorry that I don't have enough time to do things that I truly love. I'm sorry that I always work harder than anybody else would in my place and the rewards never match my efforts. I'm sorry that I always work for people who are not sophisticated enough to understand my value and appreciate my contribution. I'm sorry that they always turn out to be insecure assholes. I'm sorry that, even though I held them in my hands, I let all the means of my personal security slip away. I'm sorry about so many of my choices that led me to where I am…

…What is that you are saying? A pity party? So what if it is? Nobody else pities me – everyone thinks that I'm some fucking stone.

Top Female Execs Tell Us Whether It's OK To Burst Into Tears At Work

“We Are Good Bosses,” Says One Boss to Another

So, that's how these people manage to live with their own shitty selves! They walk around with a clear conscience; with no doubt in their souls about their actions. They don't think about the injustices and the insults of different caliber they spread around with every step they take. They don't even qualify them as injusticies and insults. Instead, they pat each other on the backs and tell themselves that they are good bosses! Their self-delusion probably goes even further: I am terrified to think about it, but they might have convinced themselves that they are good people. Honestly, the idea of these people going through their lives thinking that they are saints makes my skin itch on the inside.

To tell you the truth, I prefer honest assholes, like the ones whose primary traits are itemized in the list provided by the Time's article attached on the bottom of this post. They are at least somewhat conscious of their attitudes and justify their behavior with the "business necessity." You know: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do – that sort of thing. I also think that self-aware bastards are less casual with their cruelty. Unless they are real sadists, they apply it knowingly and, therefore, sparingly.

The conversation quoted in the title is not an allegory: I actually had the misfortune of witnessing it. I had to summon all my will power not to burst out laughing at these jerks. I've had pangs of suspicion that many business owners felt good about themselves, but this was the first time one of them actually voiced such self-deception in my presence. Why was it so bitterly funny? Because, the statement was prompted by their finally adapting a pension plan they promised their employees two years ago.

These are employers who pick favorites and treat them with an obvious preference, while discriminating against others. They forget to disclose new commercial initiatives, thus forcing everyone to run against time in order to turn their ideas into business realities. They will not hesitate to make a "good-natured" joke at an employee's expense or brazenly comment on someone's deficiency. The list can go on, and on, and on, and on… What can I say? Swell guys!

But let's see. What are (in my opinion) the attributes of a really Good Boss???

1. Fairness and objectivity; no bullshit like, "I don't like that bitch's personality, so I don't care if she's going to leave, even if it'll hurt my company."

2. Dedication to a merit-based system of rewards comprised of both tangible and moral incentives.

3. Intelligence and business acumen that perpetuates the company's success and keeps employees gratified that they don't work for an incompetent idiot.

4. High performance standards applied equally to everyone – first and foremost to his/her own work.

5. Capacity to fully comprehend the abilities and values of their direct reports.

6. Sufficient organizational savvy to match subordinates' abilities with functional tasks.

7. Acceptance of personal responsibility as a job-creator and human-resources leader.

8. Strong emphasis on the development of employees' know-how and professional growth.

9. Balanced combination of delegation and efficient supervision; none of that hands-off micromanagement crap I write so much about.

10. An actual effort to understand people working for the company.

11. Sufficient tact and self-confidence (!) to prevent casual personal insults, usually resulting from deeply seated insecurity.

12. And this one is just for me: For once in my life I would like to work for someone with a good memory, because I'm fucking fed up with their forgetting time after time the stuff I say, write, and report to them.

So, my dear business owners and other chiefs, try to test your performance against the criteria above and see how you do. None of the "good bosses" I know would score enough for a "D" grade.

9 Core Beliefs of Truly Horrible Bosses

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